Redneck Letter - From Mom to Son
Bubba learned his family traits from his parents

Dear Son,

I’m writing this slow ’cause I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you first left. Your father read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address ’cause the last family here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn’t have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in, pulled the chain, and I haven’t seen ’em since. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the heavy buttons, so we cut ’em off and put them in the pockets.

Your father has a new job with several hundred people under him. He cuts the lawn at the cemetery.

About your sister - she had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out whether it’s a girl or a boy, so I don’t know if you are an Aunt or and Uncle.

We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn’t make the last payment on Grandma’s funeral, up she comes. Your Uncle Joe fell in the whisky vat yesterday - some men tried to pull him out but he fought ’em all off and finally drowned. We cremated him right after and he’s still burning good this morning.

The neighbors next door have started to keep pigs. We just got wind of it this morning.

Your father took me to the doctor’s the other day. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to open it for ten minutes. Your father tried to buy it from him.

It only rained twice last week. Once for three days, then for four days. It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck, one was driving, two in the back. The driver rolled the window down and swam out. The two in the back couldn’t get the tail-gate open so they drowned too. Not much news this time, nothing much happens round here, will try to write more next time.

Love, Your Mama

P.S. Was going to send you money, but the envelope was already sealed.


see also   Redneck  Section

Can you find the difference between the following two pictures?
Kettle Valley Railroad
Head over heels for downhill cycling
Cycle Circles
Now On Sale for those who give a hoot!
2015 Hooters Owl Calendars (TWO)
Playing near the equator has its ups and downs
Tennis Down Under
Exercise to help you prepare for this year's taxes!
IRS Middle Class Pencil Sharpener
Leading down the road to winter survival
Sheep Path
Meanwhile, in New Hampshire...
Wicked Stawm
How an East Coast spring snowstorm compares to Canada's Wet Coast
Spring Cleanup in Canada
Latest Jigsaw Sudoku Puzzle: #14530
Jigsaw Sudoku Puzzles
Bubba prefers to let off his own air in his car
Redneck Air Bags
Net Profit as one's biggest racket
Tennis Hammock
Painted ceiling of the Tombinator Room
Smoking Area Ceiling
Bear safety in the wild
Do Not Feed The Bears
The writing on the wall
Graffiti Art
For those who give a hoot!
Laughing Owl
Latest Word Search Puzzle: Potpourri
Word Search Puzzles
Burying two people in the same grave
Honest Lawyer
Submissions by Henry WiensFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site

28-Jan-2015

QR Code

G'Oldies

Picked Up Pickup
Piggy Back, Back Flip
Don't Upset Your Employ ...
Perfect Use For A Man
Plane Window
High Water Bill
Chocolate Math for 2015
Crosswalk Climber
Canadian Squirrel
Snail On The Run
Surf Lessons
Helping Hands In The St ...
Madness On A Roll
Potty Training An Eleph ...
Instant Cats
Night Shift for a Geek
Original Homeland Secur ...
Fart Match
Real FootBall
Outrageous Lawsuits
Plane Loses Propeller
Cat A Mom To Mice
Can't Be Santa, Can It?
I Want It All
Log Out - Here It Comes ...
Texas Easter Bunny
Sock Storage
How To Weigh Yourself C ...
Vacuum Cleaner Salesman
Canadian Morality Test
Training Bike
Chair Skiing - Redneck ...
Formula One Wheelchair
Runaway Ostrich
Redneck Christmas Decor ...
Big Birth - They Start ...
No Service
Man Of The House
Rescue Pup
Romanian Barbeque
Owl Kiss
Kids Song Lyrics
Little Johnny's Grippin ...
Redneck Hedge Trimming
Math Dice
Woody Allen Quotes
Wheelchair Priorities