Dear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv bena gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy, Nice spelling! You’re on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell … Santa
Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah, You’re parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they? Santa
Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor. Love, Susan
Dear Susan, milk gives me the skitters and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch. Santa
Dear Santa, Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m skipping your house. Santa
Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy
Timmy, that whiney begging may work with your folks, but that crap doesn’t work with me. You’re getting a sweater again. Santa
Dearest Santa, We don’t have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky
Mark, first, stop calling yourself “Marky,” that’s why you’re getting butt whipped at school. Second, you don’t live in a house; you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom
window. Sweet Dreams, Santa
see also
Christmas Section
 59 Chev Boat |
 Urgent World War I Message |
 An Iceberg Floated Into Town |
 Walk Sign Timing |
 Family Hands |
 Chocolate Bed |
 Homeland Security Bill |
 Crocodile Floor |
 Texas 911 |
 Walk Sign Ending |
 Mower Handle Extender |
 Dentist Waiting Room |
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