The Stress Diet

Coping with constant stress


This diet is designed to help you cope with constant stress ...

BREAKFAST
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast, dry
8 oz skimmed milk

LUNCH
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

MID AFTERNOON SNACK
rest of the Oreos in the package
2 pints of rocky road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce
nuts, cherries, whipped cream

DINNER
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 milky way candy bars

LATE EVENING SNACK
Entire frozen cheesecake, eaten directly from freezer

RULES FOR THIS DIET
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories;
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda;
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do;
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as brandy, hot chocolate and Sara Lee cheesecake;
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner;
6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel;
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories - the process of breaking causes calorie leakage;
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are: peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae;
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: Spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color;
10. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies and popsicles.




QuotaBills
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

It's simple. If it jiggles, it's fat. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Have great, secret, big, fat hopes for yourself. - Gloria Vanderbilt

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

Love is, or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all. - Toni Morrison

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Healthy citizens are the greatest asset any country can have. - Winston Churchill

If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people. - Jim Eason

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

I find there is only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. - Rodney Dangerfield

The key to a healthy lawn is to take care of what happens below ground. - Mike Bechtle

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. - Sophocles

People with healthy self-esteem do not need to create pretend identities. - Unknown

With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60. - Jack Nicholson

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

Life, if you're fat, is a minefield - you have to pick your way, otherwise you blow up. - Miriam Margolyes

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

I believe that how you feel is very important to how you look - that healthy equals beautiful. - Victoria Principal

Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them. - Brendan Francis

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Baloney is the unvarnished lie laid on so thick you hate it. Blarney is flattery laid on so thin you love it. - Fulton J Sheen

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. - Bob Thaves

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned now to cook. - Andy Rooney

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

In soap, fatty acids made from boiling pork bone fat are used as a hardening agent, but also for giving it a pearl-like effect. - Christien Meindertsma

Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia. - Jimmy Fallon


see also   Food  Section
A Balanced Diet
Balanced Diet
Balanced Food Delivery
Balanced Meal
Beauty Bag
Bus Wait Weight
Coffee Spoon
Diet Fork
Diet Hard
Diet Pills
Diet Silverware
Diet Spoon
Diet Utensils
Donut Sale
Gin & Tonic Diet
Important Health Information
Jogger’s Weight Scale
Learn To Cook
Milkshake Diet
My New Diet
Obesity Is OK
Reasons to Stop Dieting
Squeegee Clothing
Texas Diet
Vodka Diet
Weight Watchers Bus

 

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16-Aug-2018