Things Mom Taught Me
My mother
taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it
outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the
carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to
knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're
in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry
about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your
supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of
your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is
finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your
room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a
meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million
times - Don't exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can
take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your
father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in
this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
THANKS, MOM!