Upgrading To HUSBAND 1.0
Dear Tech
Support:
Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program
began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to
wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No
mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing
7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as
PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation
8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run
DiaperChanging 14.1or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix
Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can
you help, please!
Sincerely, XXX
Dear XXX:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary
misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that
Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible.
Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is
not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend
5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once
installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has
severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.
In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get
new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0.
However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.
Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will notice
that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you
keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section
regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0,
secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root
cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED
ME".
Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0
should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more
serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C: I APOLOGIZE command before the
system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to
GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.
Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and
Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by
following this tech tip!
Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because
of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0
ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new
applications quickly.
Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood
3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help
keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.
After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many
valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is
not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is
uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here
at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to
fully enjoy this product!
Tech Support