Hole In One

A turtle’s target practice on the golf course





QuotaBills
Golf is a good walk spoiled. - Mark Twain

Golf is a puzzle without an answer. - Gary Player

Golf, like measles, should be caught young. - P G Wodehouse

I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy

Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown

Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin

Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed. - Unknown

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? - George Carlin

Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown

Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well. - Unknown

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown

You realize just how bad a golfer you are when you play with Freddie. - Donald Trump

I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd

In golf as in life, it's the follow-through that makes the difference. - Unknown

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. - Bobby Jones

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer

If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball. - Gene Jaster

I played golf. I didn't get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. - Mitch Hedberg

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway

Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson

Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

Learning to play golf is like learning to play the violin. It's not only difficult to do, it's very painful to everyone around you. - Hal Linden

I don't know him very well... I've played him at golf and beat him badly both times, and I think that probably had a negative impact on him. - Donald Trump


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22-May-2017