Rooster Retirement

Reaching KFC Heaven


A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster. The farmer puts the rooster straight in the pen so he can get down to business with the chickens.

The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says “OK, old fellow, time to retire.”

The old rooster says, “You can’t handle all these chickens... look at what it did to me!”

The young rooster replies, “Now, don’t give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike.”

The old rooster says, “Aw, c’mon… just let me have the two old hens in the corner. I won’t bother you,”

The young rooster says, “Scram! Beat it! You’re washed up! I’m taking over!”

So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, “I’ll tell you what, young fellow, I’ll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop. And if I’m so feeble, why not give me a little head start?”

The young rooster says, “Sure, why not, you know I’ll still beat you,”

They line up in back of the farmhouse, get a chicken to cluck “Go!” and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster is only about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what’s going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM! - he blows the young rooster to KFC heaven.

He shakes his head gloomily and says “Son of a gun... third gay rooster I bought this week!”




QuotaBills
Let's make hay while it lasts. - James Lovelock

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

Cursing the weather is never good farming. - English Proverb

Maybe I should just go home and ride my tractor. - Chuck Grassley

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

Do not count your chickens before they are hatched. - Aesop

Appropriate rules cultivate a disciplined character. - Bill Welker

I drove a tractor almost as soon as I could reach the pedals. - Sheri L. Dew

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. - Unknown

Corn can't expect justice from a court composed of chickens. - African Proverb

Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg

Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, farm boy. - Han Solo

We better not, ya know, kill our chickens before they cross the road. - Archie Bunker

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. - Unknown

Work and pray, live on hay, you'll get pie in the sky when you die. - Joe Hill

The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown

I used to practice my speeches on my tractor while I plowed my daddy's field. - Jim Hunt

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. - Jeff Foxworthy

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

Observe good faith and justice toward all nations. Cultivate peace and harmony with all. - George Washington

Let us never forget that the cultivation of the earth is the most important labor of man. - Daniel Webster

If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan

My brother thinks he's a chicken.
We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. - Groucho Marx

The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg. - Unknown

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis

I'm working on a second cookbook and am working on my love story, 'Black Heels to Tractor Wheels.' - Ree Drummond

I spend hours mowing the lawn in absolutely straight lines on my tractor. If it's not right, I do it again. - Britt Ekland

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

He who learns the rules of wisdom without conforming to them in his life is like a man who plows in his field but does not sow. - Saadi

A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he'll never crow. I have seen the light and I'm crowing. - Muhammad Ali

I dream of the realization of the unity of Africa, whereby its leaders combine in their efforts to solve the problems of this continent. - Nelson Mandela

It's life, isn't it? You plow ahead and make a hit. And you plow on and someone passes you. Then someone passes them. Time levels. - Katharine Hepburn

Music embodies feeling without forcing it to contend and combine with thought, as it is forced in most arts and especially in the art of words. - Franz Liszt

Lincolnshire is the Idaho of England. You were either going to drive a tractor for the rest of your life or head for the city to work in a factory. - Bernie Taupin


see also   Farm  Section
Cat Nap
Chick Incubator
Family Reunion
Flamingo Imposter
Hen Pecked
Mom Lookout
Once Is Never Enough
Prize Rooster
Super Hen

 

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25-Mar-2019