In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
“The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will
be unbearable.”
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
“To more the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more
persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going
alphabetically by national order.”
In a hotel in Athens:
“Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11A.M.
daily.”
In a Japanese hotel:
“You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.”
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
“You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers,
artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.”
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
“Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of
ascension.”
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
“Ladies may have a fit upstairs.”
In a Bangkok dry cleaner’s:
“Drop your trousers here for best results.”
Outside a Paris dress shop:
“Dresses for street walking.”
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
“Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict
rotation.”
A sign posted in Germany’s Black forest:
“It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different
sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with
each other for that purpose.”
In a Zurich hotel:
“Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the
bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.”
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
“Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.”
In a Rome laundry:
“Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.”
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
“Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.”
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
“Would you like to ride on your own ass?”
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
“We take your bags and send them in all directions.”
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
“If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.”
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
“Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.”
In a Budapest zoo:
“Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard
on duty.”
In the office of a Roman doctor:
“Specialist in women and other diseases.”
In an Acapulco hotel:
“The manager has personally passed all the water served here.”
In a Tokyo shop:
“Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are best in the long
run.”
From a car rental brochure, Tokyo:
“When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at
first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.”
Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
“Cools and heats: if you want condition of warm air in your room, please control
yourself.”
Sign in men’s rest room in Japan:
“To stop leak turn cock to the right.”
In a Nairobi restaurant:
“Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.”
On the grounds of a private school:
“No trespassing without permission.”
On an Athi River highway:
“Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.”
On a poster at Kencom:
“Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help.”
In a city restaurant:
“Open seven days a week, and weekends too.”
One of the Mathare buildings:
“Mental health prevention center.”
In a cemetery:
“Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.”
Sign in Japanese public bath:
“Foreign guests are requested not to pull cock in tub.”
Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:
“Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviors in bed.”
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
“Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.”
In a Tokyo bar:
“Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.”
In a Bangkok temple:
“It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.”
Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
“Please do not bring solicitors into your room.”
Hotel brochure, Italy:
“This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the
world flock here to enjoy its solitude.”
Hotel elevator, Paris:
“Please leave your values at the front desk.”
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
“The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.”
Supermarket, Hong Kong:
“For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.”
The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
“Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.”
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