Mental Patient’s Exit Exam

Exit exam based on simple math question

Three guys go through an exit interview at a mental hospital. The doctor says he can release them if they can answer the simple mathematical problem: “What is 8 times 5?”

The first patient says, “139.”
The second one says, “Wednesday.”
The third says, “What a stupid question. It’s obvious: The answer is 40.”

The doctor is delighted. He gives the third guy his release. As the man is leaving, the doctor asks how he came up with the correct answer so quickly.

“It was easy, Doc. I just divided Wednesday into 139.”

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Caring is the essence of nursing. - Jean Watson

Half this game is ninety percent mental. - Yogi Berra

Beware the wrath of a patient adversary. - John C. Calhoun

An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. - Edith Sitwell

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret Thatcher

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world. - Helen Keller

The fact that your patient gets well does not prove that your diagnosis was correct. - Samuel J. Meltzer

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Believe in the reasonable decency of the brethren; patients are not stolen — they run away. - Martin H. Fischer

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Some tortures are physical
And some are mental,
But the one that is both
is dental. - Ogden Nash

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia. - Margaret Atwood

Having a positive mental attitude is asking how something can be done rather than saying it can't be done. - Bo Bennett

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

An expert problem solver must be endowed with two incompatible qualities: a restless imagination and a patient pertinacity. - Howard Eves

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

It is easier to lead men to combat, stirring up their passion, than to restrain them and direct them toward the patient labors of peace. - Andre Gide

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

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