While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 15 mph over the speed limit), I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. Naturally, he pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, “What's the hurry?”

I replied, “I'm late for work.”
“Oh yeah?" said the cop. “What do you do?”

“I'm a rectum stretcher,” I responded.

The cop said, “What? A rectum stretcher? What does a rectum stretcher DO?”

I said, “Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand. Then I work until I can get both hands in there, and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide.”

The cop asked me, “What the heck do you do with a 6 foot rectum?”

I replied, “You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge…”

*** Bail: $1000
*** Ticket: $95
*** Look on cop's face: Priceless