Silicon Pines – Home for the Technologically Infirm
Should my loved one be placed in an Assisted Computing Facility?
How to replace your Motherboard with a Fatherboard...
“Assisted Computing Facility” for your technologically impaired loved one!
[For family members, it is often the most difficult and
painful decision they will face: to accept that a loved one - a parent, a
spouse, perhaps a sibling - is technologically impaired and should no longer be
allowed to live independently, or come near a computer or electronic device
without direct supervision. The time has come to place that loved one into the
care of an Assisted Computing Facility. But you have questions. So many
questions. We at Silicon Pines want to help...]
WHAT EXACTLY IS AN "ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY"?
Sometimes referred to as "Homes for the Technologically Infirm," "Technical
Invalid Care Centers," or "Homes for the Technically Challenged," Assisted
Computing Facilities (ACFs) are modeled on assisted living facilities, and
provide a safe, structured residential environment for those unable to handle
even the most common, everyday multitasks. Most fully accredited ACFs, like
Silicon Pines, are an oasis of hope and encouragement that allow residents to
lead productive, technologically relevant lives without the fear and anxiety
associated with actually having to understand or execute the technologies
themselves.
WHO SHOULD BE IN AN ACF?
Sadly, technology is advancing at such a dramatic rate that many millions, of
all ages, will never truly be able to understand it, putting an undue burden on
those friends and family members who must explain it to them. But unless the
loved one is suffering from a truly debilitating affliction, such as
Reinstallzheimers, the decision to commit is entirely personal.
You must ask yourself:
- "How frustrated am I that my parent/sibling/spouse is unable to open an email
attachment?"
- "How much of my time should be taken up explaining how RAM is different from
hard drive memory?"
- "How many times can I bear to hear my dad say, 'Hey, can I replace the
motherboard with a fatherboard?'"
To make things easier, we have prepared a list of Warning Signs which we
encourage you to return to often, or, if you can't figure out how to bookmark
it, print out. Also, please take a moment to read "I'm Glad I'm in Here! - A
Resident's Story."
MUST IT BE FAMILY, OR CAN I PLACE ANYONE IN AN ACF?
Several corporations have sought permission to have certain employees, or at
times entire sales departments, committed to ACFs. At present, however,
individuals can be committed only by direct family or self-internment.
The reason is simple: there are not nearly enough ACFs in the world to
accommodate all the technologically challenged. For example, there are currently
only 860,000 beds available in ACFs, but there are 29 million AOL users.
HOW MUCH WILL IT COST?
ACF rents range from free up to $12,500 per month. The disparity is currently
a point of contention in the ACF industry. Many residents are covered through
government programs such as Composed or Compucare, but reimbursement rates are
low and only cover a portion of the fees.
Exacerbating the situation are the HMOs (HelpDesk Maintenance Organizations),
which often deny coverage, forcing residents to pay out of pocket or turn to
expensive private techcare insurers such as BlueCache/BlueScreen.
Offsetting the costs are technology companies themselves, many of which
subsidize ACFs. Firms such as Microsoft, Dell, Qualcomm, and America Online will
pay up to 100 percent of a resident's monthly bill, but there is a catch. ISPs,
for instance, require residents to sign service contracts lasting a year or
more. Microsoft, meanwhile, prohibits the installation of any competitive
software, while Priceline requires that residents buy shares of its stock, which
seems onerous but saves residents on lavatory tissue.
HOW OLD MUST I BE TO HAVE SOMEONE COMMITTED?
Until very recently, you had to be 18 or older to legally commit a family
member. However, the now famous British court case Frazier vs. Frazier and
Frazier has cleared the way for minors to commit their parents. In that case,
15-year-old Bradley Frazier of Leicester had his 37-year-old parents committed
to an ACF in Bournemouth after a judge ruled Ian and Janet Frazier were a
"danger to themselves and the community."
According to court records, Bradley told his parents about the “I LoveYou” virus
and warned them not to click attachments, then the next day his parents received
an “I LoveYou” e-mail and clicked on the attachment because, they explained, "it
came from someone we know."
WHAT SHOULD I LOOK FOR IN AN ACF?
First, make sure it's a genuine Assisted Computing Facility, and not an
Assisted Living Facility. To tell the difference, observe the residents.
If they look rather old and tend to openly discuss bowel movements, This is
probably 'assisted living.' On the other hand, if they vary in age and say
things like, "I'm supposed to figure that out? I'm not Bill Gates you know!,"
this is probably 'assisted computing.' Also, at a well-run ACF, residents should
lead full, independent lives, and should be allowed the use of many technology
devices, including telephones, electric toothbrushes, and alarm clocks.
However, only a facility's Licensed Techcare Professionals (LTPs) should perform
computational or technological tasks such as installing programs or saving
e-mail attachments. And LTPs should NEVER answer residents' questions because
studies have shown that answering user questions inevitably makes things worse.
Instead, residents should simply have things done for them, relieving them of
the pressure to "learn" or "improve."
CAN A RESIDENT EVER GET OUT?
No.
OK, THIS SOUNDS PROMISING. HOW CAN I LEARN MORE?
For your enlightenment, we offer extensive information on Silicon Pines and
the ACF lifestyle, which can be found by clicking on the link in the navigation
bar found at the top of this page. But whatever you decide, keep in mind that
due to demand, ACFs now have long waiting lists. WebTV & AOL users alone will
take years to absorb.