Menno Air Splits - Makes Basiness Sanse!
In keeping with fine Mennonite tradition, Menno Air builds brand equity

[For those of you keeping up with the Menno Air takeover (Menno Air took over for JetsGo in Canada), you’ll find the press release below of interest…]

Subject: Menno Air Splits to form “PlettsGo
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - InterMenno News Wire
8:00am, March 28, 2005

After only one week of operation, Menno Air announced today, that it will split into two similar but distinct airline carrier services. Citing internal differences as the reason, a spokesperson for the new entity said that the decision will make it easier for both groups to deliver the order of service they believe best suits their customers.

The entity will capitalize quickly on the brand equity built up in the past two years by JetsGo, moving today to purchase all remaining assets of the now defunct airline. The new company is calling itself “PlettsGo” and makes no apology for the similarity to it’s predecessor.

Company President Martin Plett says, “It makes no sanse to let vhat already exists go for jonk. Minor changes to much of the JetsGo invantory will allow us to re-use averyting from basiness cards to jats. Friesen Signs and Roofing of Kola, MB will handle all the changes to the logos on da planes, while Martha’s Sewing Circle of Arborg, MB, will be re-stitching da names on uniforms and making skirts longer. Changes to all basiness cards, forms and vehicles will be made by hand at the Easter Plett Fest this koming veekend in Landmark. Wiss all da cousins togather it makes for cheap labour.”

Most noticeable change will be the unique “PlettsGo” monogrammed head coverings for all female employees - and all pilots must sport beards. Ties are no longer mandatory. In fact, they are discouraged, although no disciplinary action is planned for non-compliant employees. Shunning is being considered but has yet to be approved by the company elders.

The inflight experience promises to be nothing short of “cultural” as many changes will make “PlettsGo” a true pioneer in customer service. For instance, gone is the “potluck” meals offered by Menno Air. Instead all female passengers will be invited to help in preparations at the front of the cabin. All women will then serve the men at their seats and facilitate all clean up after, while the male passengers are encouraged to tilt their seatbacks to the fully reclined position and enjoy the complimentary issue of the “Messenger”, conveniently located in the seat flap, beside the “culktosh” (sick sack).

No headphones will be offered as inflight entertainment will include a group hymn sing. Hymnals are located behind the “culktosh”.

Other planned inflight activities include scheduled “maddachsclauppe” (an afternoon nap) for afternoon flights and seasonal festivities like a $2 gift exchange during flights at Christmas. At least once during every flight, the pilot encourages an open mike time for sharing.

Smoking and drinking are allowed in the washrooms but not in the cabin where others might see you.

PlettsGo says it’s okay for their female flight attendants to point out safety features of the aircraft as long as they are not actually teaching from a position of authority.

PlettsGo’s security policy is simple. If anyone threatens the safety of any passengers, including a hi-jacking scenario, simply submit. “Passivity is always the best policy,” says PlettsGo security commissioner, Rudy Hiebert, “If vie blow up in da sky we just have a shorter trip to havan!”

Perhaps the biggest surprise awaiting PlettsGo passengers is the fact that there is no charge for the flight. Midway through the flight the pilot will lead the passengers in prayer (for a safe landing) and then two male ushers will pass around the offering bags. Special music will play during this time but never in 3/4 time. Giving is voluntary but highly encouraged. Both guilt and fear provide suitable motivation for most passengers.

Menno Air says, “It bears no ill will toward their PlettsGo brothers, but rather wishes dem all the bast in their new andavors.”

According to Corny Harder (he married Gerty Plett), elder for the new airline, “It’s not dat vie don’t lov each udder, it’s just dat, to live at peace, it’s bast dat vie do tings each ar own vay. PlettsGo is da only vay to go!”


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20-Sep-2019