Mom Tested, Mom Approved

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Mom sits in baby's stroller seat

QuotaBills
Mother is a verb, not a noun. - Shonda Rhimes

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. - Unknown

The phrase working mother is redundant. - Jane Sellman

The best part of him ran down his mother's legs. - Jackie Gleason

A mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled. - Emily Dickinson

The titular head... that's the mother, ain't it? - Archie Bunker

Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation. - Robert A. Heinlein

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

Life began with waking up and loving my mother's face. - George Eliot

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother. - Abraham Lincoln

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. - Gypsy Rose Lee

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

My mom always said normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. - Wynonna Judd

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse. - Spike Milligan

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

I know enough to know that when you're in a pickle... call Mom. - Jennifer Garner

I unapologetically and unabashedly am deeply biased toward my mother. - Chelsea Clinton

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother. - Beverly Jones

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology. - Ray Romano

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. - Groucho Marx

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never play cards with a man called Doc. - Edward Abbey

There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed - I never knew they worked. - Les Dawson

I want to stay curled and cosied and chocolated... forever in my mother's arms. - Sanober Khan

My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey

I not only think we tamper with Mother Nature, I think that Mother Nature wants us to. - Willard Gatlin

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

Middle Age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. - Harold Coffin

The only place you’re sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother. - Bruce Lansky

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Ray Chenoweth

My perspective on my mother has changed immensely. She was a lot taller when I was younger. - Howie Mandel

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. - Honore De Balzac

Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Sayin' grace - it's just thankin' Mother Nature, whose 1st name just happens to be Grace. - Archie Bunker

Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall. A mother's secret hope outlives them all. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the Bible. - Homer Simpson

They want people like your mother down there because they know they ain't got no pre-conscrewed ideas. - Archie Bunker

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, Just wait. - Judy Tenuta

I love those hockey moms. You know what they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lipstick. - Sarah Palin

In Hollywood, you play a mom, and the next thing you know, you're on The Golden Girls. They age you so fast. - Gabrielle Union

In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar

By embracing your mother wound as your yoga, you transform what has been a hindrance in your life into a teacher of the heart. - Phillip Moffitt

I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized that to many people he is not a sex symbol, but a mother image. - David Bowie

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. - Sophia Loren

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain

Chutzpa is that quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. - Leo Rosten


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25-May-2017