The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: “PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.”
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.”
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: “NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.”
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.”
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: “NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.”
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story: Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll live longer!
Worry is rust upon the blade. - Henry Ward Hughes
In the race for love, I was scratched. - Joan Davis
Movie about nuns, starring Ingrid Bernstein - Archie Bunker
Pessimism is the triumph of worry over matter. - Unknown
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. - Unknown
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Hard work is exhilarating; worrying hard is a killer. - Joe Segal
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? - George Carlin
The finish line is just the beginning of a whole new race. - Susan Saint James
Worry is today's mice nibbling on tomorrow's cheese. - Unknown
No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind. - George E. Woodbury
When the situation is hopeless, there's nothing to worry about. - Edward Abbey
The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race. - Mark Twain
England is an empire, Germany is a nation, a race, France is a person. - Jules Michelet
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. - Dave Barry
Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. - Walter Elliott
In the Moscow Olympics, Lasse Viren came in fifth and ran a champion's race. - David Coleman
In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. - Jonathan Katz
If you worry about yesterday's failures, then today's successes will be few. - Unknown
The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. - Robert Frost
An Irishman can be worried by the consciousness that there is nothing to worry about. - Austin O'Malley
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill
Somewhere in the world someone is training when you are not. When you race him, he will win. - Tom Fleming
Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater. - Albert Einstein
Don't worry that your children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. - Robert Fulghum
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West
Worry is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere. - Unknown
Well over eighty per cent of the human race goes through life without having a single original thought. - H L Mencken
A man of character does not expect to be liked by everyone, nor does he worry about being liked by anyone. - Unknown
There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them. - Robert Benchley
We are going as fast as we can as soon as we can. We're in a race against time, until we run out of money. - Jack Nicholson
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn't change anything. It messes with your mind and steals your happiness. - Unknown
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34
There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will. - Epictetus
A free Negro of the African race is not a 'citizen' within the meaning of the constitution of the United States. - Roger Taney
The world, the race, the soul - in space and time the universes,
All bound as is befitting each - all surely going somewhere. - Walt Whitman
Contempt for happiness is usually contempt for other people's happiness, and is an elegant disguise for hatred of the human race. - Bertrand Russell
Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke
Worrying is the most natural and spontaneous of all human functions. It is time to acknowledge this, perhaps even to learn to do it better. - Lewis Thomas
To be a champion, you have to learn to handle stress and pressure. But if you've prepared mentally and physically, you don't have to worry. - Harvey Mackay
Donkey & Religious Sections
Not A Shot Was Fired
Protect Your Ass
Royal Weather Forecaster
Redneck Repair Kit
Redneck Wine Rack
Domino Telephone Booths
With Or Without The Beatles
How To Improve Your Car's Radio Reception
Stop And Smell The Flowers
Laws Of Physics For Goats