Great Crab Day

Fishing for a better relationship


The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.

“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.

The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”

The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”

“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.

Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”

The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”

The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”


When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news

QuotaBills
Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

I have laid aside business, and gone a'fishing. - Izaak Walton

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife. - African Proverb

There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

Good fishing is just a matter of timing. You have to get there yesterday. - Milton Berle

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. - Henry David Thoreau

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx


see also   Fishing,  Marriage,  Police,  Relationship  &  Stress  Sections
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22-Apr-2019