Great Crab Day

Fishing for a better relationship


The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.

“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.

The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”

The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”

“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.

Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”

The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”

The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”


When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news

QuotaBills
Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

A fishing rod is a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other. - Samuel Johnson

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. - Unknown

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. - Steven Wright

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

A man with a career can have no time to waste upon his wife and friends; he has to devote it wholly to his enemies. - John Hobbes

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon


see also   Fishing,  Marriage,  Police,  Relationship  &  Stress  Sections
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23-Feb-2019