Great Crab Day

Fishing for a better relationship


The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.

“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.

The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”

The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”

“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.

Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”

The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”

The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”


When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news

QuotaBills
Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife. - African Proverb

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx

My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton

I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. - Unknown

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. - Steven Wright

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed. - Unknown

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst


see also   Fishing,  Marriage,  Police,  Relationship  &  Stress  Sections
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19-Oct-2018