Great Crab Day

Fishing for a better relationship


The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.

“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.

The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”

The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”

“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.

Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”

The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”

The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”


When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news

QuotaBills
My wife gives good headache. - Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife. - African Proverb

There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen

I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. - Steven Wright

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst


see also   Fishing,  Marriage,  Police,  Relationship  &  Stress  Sections
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12-Nov-2019