Cheating U.S. Politician in 2016
How To Win An Election

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

After much talk about ballot recounting & court challenges, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Maine. There were to be no observers present, and both candidates were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Hillary Clinton returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Donald Trump returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Clinton comes in with 20 fish and Trump comes in again with none. That evening, Trump’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Trump and says, “I think Clinton is a lowlife scheming cheat-her. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on her and see if she is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Clinton comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Trump, “Well, what about it, is Clinton cheating’?”

“She sure is,” Trump replied. “She’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

All men are equal before fish. - Herbert Hoover

A week is a long time in politics. - Harold Wilson

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish. - Jerry Seinfeld

Man is not free unless government is limited. - Ronald Reagan

The art of government is the organization of idolatry. - George Bernard Shaw

You can't get rich in politics unless you're a crook. - Harry S Truman

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed. - Mao Zedong

Fish die belly upward, and rise to the surface. Its their way of falling. - Andre Gide

Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Democrats haven't been this upset since Republicans freed their slaves. - Unknown

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

If I don't get along with Democrats, I'm sort of, like, out of business. - Donald Trump

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

A leader in the Democratic Party is a boss, in the Republican Party he is a leader. - Harry S Truman

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

I think it's an absolute disaster that Australia, the government, allowed kangaroo culling. - Steve Irwin

So, if we lie to the government, it's a felony.
But if they lie to us, it's politics. - Bill Murray

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

When they see me holding fish, they can see that I am comfortable with kings as well as with paupers. - Imelda Marcos

I can remember when Democrats believed that it was the duty of America to fight for freedom over tyranny. - Zell Miller

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. - George Pataki

Politics: Poli, a Latin word meaning "many"; and tics, meaning "bloodsucking creatures." - Robin Williams

It is our art that has an opportunity to leave a footprint in the sand. They don't wrap fish in our work. - Hugh N Jacobsen

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. - Pericles (430 B.C.)

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. - Thurgood Marshall

Luck affects everything; let your hook always be cast. In the stream where you least expect it, there will be fish. - Ovid

One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is rarely a politician's objective. Election and power are. - Cal Thomas

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. - Ambrose Bierce

Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating Canadian Politician (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)

 

Little Johnny Bath

Emergency Stops Only

Portable Balance Beam

Fried Eggs - Military Style

Motorvation

Teenage Mutant Ninja Hay Bail

Driving Rain

Eddie Reward

Got Them All

Owlvis Presley

Motorcycle Limo

Runaway Tree

Human Explosion

Air Force Pilots

See You Later
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23-May-2019