Sour Pharmacist

What doesn’t cure you ales you


Seamus went into a pharmacy in Dublin. He reached into his jacket pocket and took out a bottle of Irish whiskey and a teaspoon.

Seamus proceeded to pour some of the amber liquid into the teaspoon and offered it to the pharmacist.

“Could you taste this for me, please?” asked Seamus.

The pharmacist took the teaspoon into his mouth, swilled the liquid around and swallowed it.

“Does that taste sweet to you?”, says Seamus.

“No, not at all,” says the pharmacist.

“Oh, that’s a relief,” says Seamus. “Doctor Flannigan told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”




QuotaBills
Anatomy is destiny. - Sigmund Freud

Laughter is the best medicine. - the Joe-kster

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Where a man feels pain he lays his hand. - Dutch Proverb

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

It is easy to stand a pain, but difficult to stand an itch. - Chang Ch'ao

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea. - Walter Bagehot

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

Suicide doesn't end the pain. It just passes it on to someone else. - James Kirkup

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler

Mysterious love, uncertain treasure, hast thou more of pain or pleasure! Endless torments dwell about thee: Yet who would live, and live without thee! - Joseph Addison


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16-Jul-2019