Books Never Written

Best-Sellers From The Non-Fiction Shelf

Never judge a book by its author



“100 Ways To Diet” by I. M. Hungry
“101 Spotted Owl Recipes” by the EPA
“312 Ways To Die” by Sue I. Cide

“A Great Plenty” by E. Nuff
“A Guide To Pharmeceuticals” by Sue E. Sidle
“A la recherche du temps perdu” by Daisy Mist
“A Sailor’s Adventure” by Ron A. Ground
“A Stitch in Time” by Justin Case
“A Trip To The Dentist” by Yin Pain & Lord Howard Hurts
“A Whole Lot Of Cats” by Kitt N. Caboodle
“Achy Breaky Heart” by Ann Guish
“Acrophobia Explained” by Alfredo Heights
“Advanced Math” by Smart E. Pants
“After School” by Dee Tension
“After The Corned Beef And Cabbage” by Kay O’Pectate
“Ah, Thor!” by Ty Till
“Alive or Dead” by Diddy Die
“All About Flowers” by Chris Anthymum
“All Alone” by Saul E. Terry
“All The Right” by Anne Sers
“All The Satisfied Windows Users”
“All-You-Can-Eat Buffets” by I.M.A. Piggee
“Amelia Earhart’s Guide To The Pacific Ocean”
“America’s Longest River” by Misses Hippy
“America’s Most Popular Lawyers”
“And Shut Up!” by Sid Downe
“Animal Illnesses” by Ann Thrax
“Answering the Questions of the Universe” by Howard I. Know
“Antlers In The Tree Top” by Hue Goostamoose
“Artificial Clothing” by Polly Ester
“Astrology In Pictures” by Horace Cope
“Attack Of The Flying Blood Suckers” by Amos Quitoe
“Attractive Floral Arrangements” by Sean Connery
“Autobiography Of A Werewolf” by Harry S. Mann

“Bad Falls” by Eileen Dover
“Basic Math” by Adam Upp
“Become A Comedian: The Easy Way” by Joe King
“Blazing!” by Lotta Heat
“Blonde Hair” by Bim Bow
“Boardwalk For Lawyers” by Monna Plee
“Body Parts” by Anne Atomy
“Boy Scout Brigade” by Pat Troll
“Breaking The Law” by Kermit A. Krime
“Breathing Lessons” by Hal E. Tosis
“Bridges of the World” by Sue E. Sidle
“Broken Beds” by Squeak E. Springs
“Brown Streaks Across The Desert” by Who Flung Dung
“Bubbles In The Bathtub” by Wynn D. Bottom
“Burnt Offering” by ’Toast’ Ed

“Can’t Count On Me” by Miss Trust
“Can’t Go There” by Hans Off
“Can’t Sit Still” by Ivan Auflitch
“Card Suits” by Di A. Mond
“Carnival Rides” by Ivana Herl
“Career Opportunities for History Majors”
“Causing A Mess At A Dinner Party” by Cho Kon It
“Chauvinistic Men” by A. Lone
“Checking Your Homework” by R.U. Wright
“Chest Pain” by I. Coffalot
“Chicken Dishes” by Nora Drumsticks
“Chicken Soup for the Vegetarian Soul”
“Climbing Mt. Everset In Shorts” by Sarah Nutherway
“Cloning Tips” by Ima Dubble
“Computer Memory” by Meg A. Byte
“Crack in the Sidewalk” by Bobby Tript
“Crossing A Man With A Duck” by Willie Waddle

“Danger!” by Luke Out
“Dangerous Animals” by Mann Eaters
“Deep In Debt” by Owen A. Lott
“Dentist Appointment” by Too Thurtee
“Detroit - A Travel Guide”
“Diary Of A Mad Kidnapper” by Caesar Quick
“Different Ways To Spell Bob”
“Disturbing Times” by A. Paul Ng
“Don’t Be A Troublemaker” by U.B. Goode
“Don’t Hurt Me!” by I. Bruce Easley
“Downpour” by Wayne Dwops
“Drinking Problems” by Al Coholic
“Drops on the Toilet Seat” by I.P. Skew

“Easy Money” by Robyn Banks
“Easy UNIX”
“Embarrassing Missing Items” by Bikin E. Bottoms
“Errors and Accidents” by Miss Takes and Miss Haps
“Ethiopian Tips On World Dominance”
“Everything Men Know About Women”
“Everything Women Know About Men”

“Fallen Underwear” by Lucy Lastic
“Falling Off A Cliff” by Eileen Dover
“Falling Trees” by Tim Burr
“Famous Italian War Heroes”
“Fast Food Cookbook” by Ivana Burgher
“Feminists Men Want to Marry”
“Fifty Yards to the Outhouse” by Willy Makeit and Illustrated by Betty Wont
“Flea Circus” by Ivan Elovanitch
“Forestry for Dummies” by B. E. Aver
“Forty Years In The Saddle” by Major Bumsore
“Free Willy” by Freda Wale
“French Hospitality”
“French Overpopulation” by Francis Crowded
“Fruit Going Nowhere” by C. Ann Tellope

“Galloping Galaxies” by Saul R. System
“George Foreman’s Big Book of Baby Names”
“Getting Fired” by Anita Job
“Glass Houses” by Eva Brick
“Gotta Go To The Bathroom” by C. U. Later & Think L. Maket, Illustrated by Betty Went, Published by Doris Laukt
“Grammar School Is Easy” by Ella Ment Tree
“Great Resturants” by Bo Leamick
“Green Spots On The Wall” by Picken and Flicken
“Green Vegetables” by Brock Ali
“Growing up in the Balkans” by Hugo Slavia
“Guide To Buying An Automobile” by Carlotta Munney

“Handel’s Messiah” by Ollie Luyah
“Hannibal Lecter in Russia” by Tudor Titov
“Hide And Seek” by I.C. You
“History Of Texas” by Al E. Moe
“Hitchiker’s Guide To Not Getting Killed” by Ren Tacar
“Holiday Spots” by Sandie Beaches
“Holmes Does It Again” by Scott Linyard
“Home Alone IV” by Eddie Buddyhome
“Home Dentistry” by I.M. Numb
“Hot Wiring” by Nick Carrs & Joy Ryder
“Hours In The Bathroom” by R. U. Dunnyett
“House Construction” by Bill Jerome Holme
“Household Book of Tools” by M.C. Hammer
“How I Improved My Vocabulary” by I. Reed Moore
“How Things Work” by Wyatt Dunne
“How To Answer Tough Questions” by I. Donough
“How To Be A Happy Camper” by Lucinda Woods
“How To Be Organized” by Miss Place
“How to Check a Pulse” by Izzy Dead
“How To Choose The Best Lace Doily For Any Occasion” by Arnold Schwarzenegger
“How To Dance” by Sheik Yerbouti
“How To Deal With Bankruptcy” by Bill Gates
“How to Destroy Buildings” by Dyna Might
“How To Eat Cereal” by Poor A. Bowl
“How To Exercise” by Eileen and Ben Dover
“How To Finish Homework On Time” by Willy B. Dunn
“How To Get Rich” by Robin Banks
“How To Get Rid of Unwanted Guests” by Bea O’Problem
“How To Get To The Superbowl” by Dan Marino
“How To Groom Your Yard” by Ray Cleaves
“How To Make Bush Smart” by Uca Ant
“How To Make A’s In School” by Hedda De Classe
“How To Make Obama Smart” by Uca Ant
“How To Manage Your Company’s Finances” by Enron
“How To Paint Your Own Chapel” by Mike L. Angelo
“How To Pass A Final Exam” by Noah Lott
“How To Raise The Dead” by Mort U. Aries
“How To Recover From A Hospital Visit” by Gladys Over
“How To Serve Your Fellow Man” by The Cannibals
“How to Sustain a Solo Musical Career” by Art Garfunkel
“How To Survive The Abbotsford Air Show” by Anita Drink
“How To Win In The Stock Market” by Martha Stewart
“How to Write a Mystery Novel” by Paige Turner
“Human Rights Advances in China”

“I Crossed The Atlantic” by Jethro Boat
“I Didn’t Do It!” by Ivan Alibi
“I Don’t Get It” by Anita Clew
“I Lived in Detroit” by Helen Earth
“I Love Crowds” by Morris Merrier
“I Must Go Again” by D. I. Aria
“I Need Insurance” by Justin Case
“I Was A Hell’s Angel” by Hedda D. Pack
“I Was Prepared” by Justin Case
“I Will Get My Revenge” by Yule B. Sari
“I’ll Do It Soon by Will B. Dunn
“Improve Your Reading” by Ken Hardly Reed
“Inflammation, Please” by Arthur Itis
“Interesting Places Around The World” by Ben There & Don That
“Into the Lion’s Den” by Hugo First
“I.Q. Competitions” by Samar T. Pants
“Irish Flooring” by Lynn O’Leum
“Is O.J. Guilty?” By Howard I. Know
“It All Adds Up” by Cal Q. Late
“It’s A Holdup” by Nick R Elastic
“It’s Coming To Get You!” by Sue Nora Later
“It’s Spring Time!” By Theresa Green

“Je Ne Give A Pas” by Frank Lee Mydeer

“Keeping Your Home Burglar Free” by Eudora S. Open

“L.A. Freeways - Parking Lot Special” by Stan Ding Still
“Land Ahoy” by I.C. Fields
“Late For School” by I. Bluitt
“Late For Work” by Dr. Wages
“Leo Tolstoy” by Warren Peace
“Let ’er Rip” by Ene Mah
“Lewis Carroll” by Alison Wonderland
“Lion-Sized Appetites” by Sarah N. Ghetty
“Long Walk Home” by Miss. D. Bus
“Look Younger” by Fay Slift
“Lost On The Canadian Prairies” by Karen Port

“Magical Bed Wettings” by Peter Pants
“Making Your Teacher Happy” by Sid Down
“Manwich” by ‘Slop’ E. Joe
“Meeting in France” by Ron DeVous
“Mike Tyson’s Guide to Dating Etiquette”
“Mineralogy For Giants” by Chris Tall
“Modern Giants” by Hugh Mungous
“Moon Phases” by Seymour Butts
“Mountain Climbing” by Andover Hand
“My Life As A Gas Station Attendant” by Phil R. Awp
“My Life With Igor” by Frank N. Stein
“My Three Years in Second Grade” by Dee Moted
“My Two Terms as President” by Hillary Clinton

“Neither A Borrower” by Nora Lender Bee
“Never Forget” by L. E. Phunt
“No!” by Kurt Reply
“No Appreciation For Art” by Drew Lousy
“No More Leftovers” by M.T. Potts

“Off To Market” by Tobias A. Pigg
“Old Furniture” by Anne Teak
“One Night Stands” by Amanda Use
“One Wife Is Best” by Henry VIII
“Open Kimono” by Seymour Hair
“Outer Space” by A. Leanne
“Over The Cliff” by Hugo First

“Parachuting” by Hugo First
“Parachuting Made Easy” by Will E. Mykit
“Paris Monuments” by I. Phil Taurer
“Physical Education” by Jim Shorts
“Pie” by Don Cherry
“Plane Building” by Upton Away
“Poetry In Motion” by P. Ann Toemine
“Police Beat” by Laura Norder
“Pop Goes The Hamster And Other Great Microwave Games”
“Practical Proctology” by Bea Hind
“Prison Break” by Freda Convict

“Race to the Outhouse” - By Willie Maykit and Betty Wohnt
“Raise Your Arms” by Harry Pitt
“Reading Schoolbooks” by Turner Paige
“Repeat Offender” by Liza Lott
“Revenge of the Tiger” by Claude Body
“Ripping Pants” by Ben Dover
“Roads Less Traveled” by D. Lori Ann
“Run To The Loo” by Willie Makeit
“Rusty Bed Springs” by I.P. Nightly

“Samson Brings Down The House” by Rufus Falling
“See Through Clothing” by Cats’k Ann
“Seven Day Itch” by Gone A. Rhea
“Severed Joints” by Arm Less
“Short Shorts” by Daisy Duke
“Sit-Down Relief” by Johnny Onpot
“Sitting On The Beach” by Sandy Cheeks
“Skin Care Gone Wrong” by Mely Noma
“Slept Right Through It” by R.E. Classes
“Small Treasures In The Toilet Bowl” by I.P. Nickels
“Smelly Stuff” by Anita Bath
“Snakes Of The World” by Anna Conda
“So Thirsty” by Phillip A. Jug
“Something Fishy” by Ann Chovie
“Something Smells” by I. Ben Pharting
“Something’s Out There” by Will B. Watchinu
“Southern Cooking” by Bob E. Kew
“Spots On The Wall” by Hugh Flung Poo
“Staple Your Way To Success”
“Supporting Athletes” by Jacques Strappe
“Swimming in the Arctic” by I. C. Waters
“Swimming in the Ocean” by C. Lyons

“Taking A Test” by B.A. Wiseman
“Taking Kids To School” by Harry Up
“Technology in the 21st Century” by Rob Ott
“Tell Someone Who Cares” by Crime E. Ariver
“Ten Years In The Bathtub” by Rink Lee Prune
“Testing 1, 2 3.” - by Mike Czech
“Text Editing” - by E. Max and Vi
“The Amish Phone Book”
“The Art of Being of Discreet” by Anonymous
“The Bearded Chinaman” by Harry Chin
“The Book of Virtue” by Bill Clinton
“The Cat’s Revenge” by Claude Bottom
“The Colour Of Eggs” by Summer Brown
“The Complete Proctologist’s Handbook” by Ben Dover
“The Day Hitler Ruined My Barmitsva” by Ima Jew
“The Decision Game” by Will E. Orwontee
“The Differences Between Reality and Dilbert”
“The End Of The World” by Armageddin Outtahere
“The Enchanted Woods” by Theresa Green
“The Engineer’s Guide to Fashion”
“The Facts About Suntan Lotion” by Justin Casey Burns
“The Fall Of A Watermelon” by S. Platt
“The French Chef” by Sue Flay
“The Future Of Robotics” by Cy Borg and Anne Droid
“The Giant Clock Tower” by ‘Big’ Ben
“The Great English Breakfast” by Chris P. Bacon
“The Great Missile Barrage” by Lonch M. Awl
“The History of Guns” by Sue E. Sidle
“The Home Guide to Bullfighting” by Matt Adore
“The Joys Of Drinking” by Al Coholic
“The L. A. Lakers Breakfast” by Kareem O’ Wheat
“The Largest Source of Internet Humour” by joe-ks.com
“The Last Supper” by M. T. Potts
“The Last Woman on Earth” by Emma Lone
“The Lion Attacked” by Claudia Armoff
“The Long Yellow Trail” by I.P. Standing
“The Lost Scout” by Werram Eye
“The Magic Of Fireworks” by Cis Boombah
“The Membership List” by Ross Terr
“The Most And The Least” by Maxi & Minnie Mum
“The Numbers Game” by Cal Q. Later
“The Old Bell Tower” by Rusty Bell
“The Outboard Motor Died” by Rhoda Shaw
“The Past To The Distant Future” by I.C. All
“The Rolling Hills of Iowa”
“The Scent of a Man” by Jim Nasium
“The Science Of Optometry” by Seymour Clearly
“The Secret Life Of Lemmings” by Hugo First
“The Secret Of Touching Your Toes” by Ben Dover
“The Sedan Chair” by Carrie Walker
“The Sheets Are Wet” by I.P. Nightly
“The Sinking Of The Titanic” by Mandy Lifeboat
“The Sun” by Sol Ar
“The View Of The Skyline” by Bill Ding
“The Wild Years” by Al Gore
“The Yellow River” by I.P. Daily
“The Zany Joe-ks Book” by Y.B. Serious
“Things I Can’t Afford” by Bill Gates
“Things I Wouldn’t Do for Money” by Dennis Rodman
“Things That Itch” by Mike Rotch
“Things Women Can’t Do” by B. A. Mann
“Tiger In The Bathroom” by Heidi Ingthe Tub
“Tiger On the Loose” by Claude Balls
“Tight Situation” by Leah Tard
“Torn Fingernails” by I. Bightem
“Trails in the Sand” by Peter Dragon
“Training the Tiger” - By Claud Balls
“Transportation in the Middle Ages” by Orson Cart
“Trapped In The Arctic” by I.C. Waters

“Uncomfortable Feelings” by Jock Strap
“Under the Bleachers” by Seymour Butts
“Unemployed” by Anita Job
“Usages For Plutonium In The Kitchen”

“Vacation Spots in the Tropics” by Sandy Beech

“Waiting In Line For The Bathroom” by Ivana Tinkle
“Walking Tall” by G. Raffe
“Walking to School” by Misty Bus
“Waste Dumps” by I. Saw
“Weak Bladder” by I.P. Often
“What Evita Left Behind” by Oliver Shoes
“What Happens When You Light A Fart” by Hugh Gexplo Zhun
“What Makes A Good Thief” by Ian Yerhous
“What Old Cars Have” by Russ T. Paint
“What To Do If You’re In A Car Accident” by Rhea Ender
“Wheels In China” by Rick Shaw
“Where Have All the Animals Gone?” by Darin Dabarn
“Where The Stars Are” by Horace Cope
“Where’s The Toilet” by Ivona Tinkle
“White House Ethics” by Bill Clinton
“Why Cars Stop” by M.T. Tank
“Why Should I Walk?” by Iona Carr
“Wind In The Willows” by Russell Ingleaves
“Window Coverings” by Kurt and Rod
“Women Rule” by Iam Write

“Yellow Streams” by I.P. Freely
“You Will Meet A Stranger” by Sam & Janet Evening
“Your Private Life Makes National News” by Holly Wood


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23-Apr-2017