I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

If you’re going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

It’s well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 98 years old and we don't know where she is.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.