Headline Stories

Lawyer one-upmanship - on himself

Has your sister been a pain this week?



Attorney accidentally sues himself
What goes around comes around...


We had no idea anyone was buried there!


Civil War Planes? Where did I put those history books...


Please - if you’ve seen this man...


And you wonder why...


Don’t you hate those DOE guys who do the NEPA’s EIS on
BNFL’s AMWTP at INEEL after SRA protests?


Only in America...


What are the odds of that?


The real reason for Government sub-prime
mortgage debt write-offs...


Winner of a local dog look-alike contest -
he does look exactly like his dog!


Just a friendly reminder...


Just when you thought it was around age 20...


When the Supreme Court has Noah idea what it’s talking about...


An artist’s conception of a football field after an electrical
transformer failure, knocking out the stadium lights...


“I wouldn’t do it again,” says the hero.
“She’s been a pain this week.”



QuotaBills
Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope

The trouble with law is lawyers. - Clarence Darrow

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright

We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle

Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller

In law, nothing is certain but the expense. - Samuel Butler

Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown

I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North

It is not wisdom but authority that makes a law. - Thomas Hobbes

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

Lawyers are men who hire out their words and anger. - Martial

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde

The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. - Yiddish Proverb

You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad

There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln

I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More

Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. - Native American Proverb

Don't judge a book by its cover 'til you've read the book. - Jamie Lee Curtis

How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? - Jay Leno

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz

I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright

If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

If two friends ask you to judge a dispute, don't accept, because you will lose one friend. - St. Augustine

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. - Malcolm S Forbes

Why don't you put that in the headline: "He Only Did Three With Doris!" Set a lot of people straight. - Rock Hudson

No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison

The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge

Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein

Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. - Anatole France

The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?" - Steven Wright

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: "President Can't Swim." - Lyndon B. Johnson


see also   Daffynitions,  Language  &  Quote   Sections
Church Bulletin Bloopers
Engrish
Flubbed Headlines
Newspaper Bloopers
Resumé Bloopers
Sewing Machine For Sale - Cheap Love Not Included

 

Secondhand Vegetarian

Leading By Example

Plugged In

Stop Cutting Trees!

Nike Coffin

Busted

Bread Slice

Desert Soccer Fans

Sudoku Sampler B

Tight Fit Ship

Car for Saudi Women

Texting In The Old Days

Realism

Water Mask

Multi Task Dad

Sundae Sermon

Back Massage Track

Baby Sitting

Dad's Turn

Sleep-In Dad
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

18-Jun-2018