In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah,who was now living in America
and said, “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2
of every living thing along with a few good humans.”
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping
in his yard - but no Ark.
“Noah!” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”
“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed.”
“I needed a Building Permit.”
“I’ve been arguing with the Boat Inspector about
the need for a sprinkler system.”
“My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood by-laws by
building the Ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations.
We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision.”
“Then the local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a
shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other
overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it.”
“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees
in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl.” “I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!”
“When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel
and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”
“Then the Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until
they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.”
“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.”
“The Immigration Dept. is checking the visa status of most
of the people who want to work.”
“The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire
only Union workers with Ark-building experience.”
“To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m
trying to leave the country illegally`with endangered species.”
“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me
to finish this Ark.”
“Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky.”
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not
going to destroy the world?”
“No,” said the Lord. “The Government beat me to it.”
see also
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Noah’s 2005 Ark
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