The Recession

Leading economic indicators in today’s economy


My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.

CEOs are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ounce.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s name.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!


QuotaBills
God gave me my money. - John D. Rockefeller

Bloods’ not thicker than money. - Groucho Marx

Money: the poor man's credit card. - Marshal McLuhan

A TV licence is a licence to print money. - Roy Thomson

Money follows passion - not the other way around. - Unknown

Fidelity bought with money can be overcome by money. - Seneca

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart. - WC Fields

Money does not make you happy but it quiets the nerves. - Sean O Casey

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

One dollar for eternal happiness? I'd be happier with the dollar. - Charles Montgomery Burns

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly. - Peter deVries

A billion here, a billion there - pretty soon it adds up to real money. - Everett Dirksen

Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? Why not use the dollar for a bookmark? - Steven Spielberg

I can remember way back when a liberal was generous with his own money. - Will Rogers

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you’re making too much money. - Robin Williams

Will you marry me? Do you have any money?
Answer the second question first. - Groucho Marx

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. - Dorothy Parker

The first rule is not to lose money. The second rule is not to forget the first rule. - Warren Buffet

With money in your pocket, you are wise and you are handsome - and you sing well too. - Yiddish Proverb

It's better to do nothing with your money than something you don't understand. - Suze Orman

Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the world. It beats money and power and influence. - Henry Chester

To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it. - George Bernard Shaw

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it. - Jay Leno

Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. - Jules Renard

Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right. - Kurt H Adler

I'm proud to be paying taxes. The only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money. - Arthur Godfrey

The man who leaves money to charity in his will is only giving away what no longer belongs to him. - Voltaire

It is not the employer who pays wages; he only handles the money. It is the product that pays wages. - Henry Ford

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have. - Ernest Haskins

Money frees you from doing things you dislike.
Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. - Groucho Marx

All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one. - Homer Simpson

The attention economy is not growing, which means we have to grab the attention that someone else has today. - Brent Leary

I don't make deals for the money. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever need. I do it to do it. - Donald Trump

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

I went to the bank and reviewed my savings. I found out I have all the money I'll ever need if I die tomorrow. - Henny Youngman

I've no interest on initiating a fashion trend on Coruscant or anywhere else. I simply want a uniform that fits. - James Luceno

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

NEED now means wanting someone else's money. GREED means wanting to keep your own. COMPASSION is when a politician arranges the transfer. - Joseph Sobran

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't need to advertise it. - Will Rogers


see also   Business,  Finance  &  Stress   Sections
Read My Lipstick
Recession Boss
Recession Cutbacks
Standard & Poor’s Downgrade

 

Made His Bed

Dog Sled

Only In Canada - Nosey Moose

Camper Tank

Plane Pushers

Wise Electricity Use

Critter Control

Redneck Ice Fishing

Skeletons In The Closet

Captive Audience Twins

Brew Table

Nailed It Baby

Water Supply

Holding His Own Portraits

Hawaii Scuba Bus

Chicken Pie

Computer Challenged

Swiss Reaper

Original Play Station

Haunted Pancakes
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22-Oct-2019