# Achieving More At Work

## Better Management Styles

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint, what makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How does one achieve 103%? What makes up 103% in life?

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-21-22-23-24-25-26

Then:
K N O W L E D G E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

and
H A R D W O R K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

From the attached spreadsheet, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty the following:
- Least effective present style: Leading (52%) is the least successful, while Coaching (60%), Managing (66%), and Helping (71%) won’t help improve your management style at all…
- Quasi effective present style: Delegating (84%), Training (92%), Knowledge (96%) & Hard Work (98%) will come close to what the boss expects…
- Voila! Attitude is the only present style that “breaks even” – where you can tell the boss that you’ve actually given 100% at work that day – two atta’boys will be waiting for you!
- But to really over-achieve, like what is expected of you on a daily basis, you have to be: Supportive (155% - i.e. supporting a shared work environment; free employee carpooling; 2-year maternity leave for Dads and Moms), Promoting (127% - as in, promoting ALL of your employees with big fat raises), Mentoring (115% - sorry gals, this is really supposed to be work percs for “Men”) & Encouraging (114% - encouraging everyone to retire at age 35 with full pension benefits).

From the much more relative spreadsheet of 31 modern styles (used in the present day workplace), one can then conclude with mathematical significance the following:
- Least effective style to use: Weaseling (95%) has the lowest ranking – don’t be a work weasel…; Wavering (99%) is not a good management style (to improve this – let your employees waver more!); Although Bullshit (103%) looks good to upper management – and is above the 100% ‘call of duty’, it’s still on the low end of the best styles to use; Flogging The Dog (103%), Passing Gas (112%), Badmouthing (114%), Taking The Day Off (119%) & Herassment (121%) may look good (only because they’re > 100%), but they are still lower than what you can really achieve!
- Medium Effectiveness: Passing The Buck (122%), Criticizing (127%), Plagiarizing (129%), Womanizing (131%), Leading Astray (136%), Long Coffee Breaks (139%), Brown Nosing (150%), Butt Kissing (151%) & Blaimstorming (152%) will get you a lot further than management styles used by older generations…
- For best over-achievement – high above previous generation averages, and well above all of your manager’s expectations - try the following: Venting Frustration (252% - blow up in front of your employees – let em’ think you’re really insecure and they’ll stay out of your way – and get theirs and your work done for you!); Political Correctness (236% - nothing beats trying to be politically correct in today’s office environment); Withholding Services (229% - be just like George Costanza – do the opposite of what’s expected – and you’ll rise above all the other losers!); Sucking Up To Boss (211% - this is still a good tried and true method used by most middle managers); and Winning Lottery (205% - let’s just cut to the chase: what would any of you do if you won the next \$25 Million Lotto 649!); Screwing The Moose (198% - a favourite expression of the Joe-kster, with great potential… please don’t try real Canadian moose though, only Get Stuffed animals will do…); Flogging Employees (192%), Finger Pointing (188%) & Procrastinating (184) will go a long way in today’s office environment…

C. Tomorrow’s Better Management StyleSpreadsheet Analysis
Aside from all of the above diatribe, nothing can beat the “Manager Of Tomorrow” as per the above spreadsheet: liven up a bit at work, and try Submitting Unique Joe-ks to your employees – and you’ll achieve at least a 289% improvement in your present management style!

 Grass Room Row Your Goat Moment Just Before Being Soaked... @ T - 1 Bridge Claimed Another One Woman-Riding Man Thin Polar Bear Hand Tool Rainbow Beer They Found Your Balls Giraffe Pet Hard Working Cop Cattle Herding in Africa Dutch Cowboy How Bachelors Kill Moths Tonsil Ring Portrait Gallery Piano Dog The Art Of Politics Martini Shirt American Mustache