Early Christmas Shopping

Charged with early shopping


It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?”

“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.

“That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened,” replied the prisoner.


QuotaBills
The law is silent during war. - Cicero

Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope

All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot

History is a vast early warning system. - Norman Cousins

Early in the morning when the crows cock. - Archie Bunker

Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Law and order are not necessarily partners. - Saying

The worst form of injustice is pretended justice. - Plato

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

It's every man's business to see justice done. - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. - J Paul Getty

The early bird gets the worm. The early worm gets eaten. - Norman Augustine

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens

People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus

Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore. - Unknown

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius

My photographs don't do me justice – they just look like me. - Phyllis Diller

Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy. - Homer Simpson

The early bird would never catch the worm if the dumb worm slept late. - Milton Berle

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

If you have ten thousand regulations you destroy all respect for the law. - Winston Churchill

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. - Charles Lamb

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost

Observe good faith and justice toward all nations. Cultivate peace and harmony with all. - George Washington

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

One of the worst things that can happen in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age. - Danny McGoorty

Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas

From an early age I understood that cooking was never going to be a job, it's a passion. - Gordon Ramsay

Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown

In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In later years, you fight because you do. - Joan Didion

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers

The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger

If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge

A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy

Too many young folk have an addiction to superficial things and not enough conviction for substantial things like justice, truth and love. - Cornel West

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

What we lawyers want to do is to substitute courts for carnage, dockets for rockets, briefs for bombs, warrants for warheads, mandates for missiles. - George Rhyne


see also   Christmas,  Lawyer,  Prison  &  Shopping  Sections

 

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28-Jul-2017