Early Christmas Shopping

Charged with early shopping


It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?”

“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.

“That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened,” replied the prisoner.


QuotaBills
Generosity is the flower of justice. - Nathaniel Hawthorne

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb

Early in the morning when the crows cock. - Archie Bunker

If you want peace, you must work for justice. - Pope Paul VI

Swift justice demands more than just swiftness. - Potter Stewart

Buy low, sell high, collect early, and pay late. - Dick Levin

There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley

Stop soft soapin' and trying to deterge the judge! - Archie Bunker

The early bird gets the worm. The early worm gets eaten. - Norman Augustine

Canada is the homeland of equality, justice and tolerance. - Kim Campbell

I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown

You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. - Groucho Marx

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

If you get a reputation as an early riser, you can sleep till noon. - Irish Proverb

The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr

Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy. - Homer Simpson

If you have ten thousand regulations you destroy all respect for the law. - Winston Churchill

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson

A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray

There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few failures early in life. - Thomas Henry Huxley

A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost

To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Observe good faith and justice toward all nations. Cultivate peace and harmony with all. - George Washington

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson

If two friends ask you to judge a dispute, don't accept, because you will lose one friend. - St. Augustine

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay

I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan

Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in. - Brendan Behan

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

I don't get off on romantic parts. But I often think if I had had my dental work done early on, well, maybe. - Morgan Freeman

I have a huge interest in hockey because I grew up in Canada, where it's kind of the law that you love hockey. - Matthew Perry

Let early education be a sort of amusement; you will then better be able to find out the natural bent of the child. - Plato

When you say justice, it doesn't have to be war. Justice could just be clearing a path for people to dream properly. - Kanye West

There's an upside to grandparenthood. You play, you give, you love, then you hand them back and go to an early movie. - Billy Crystal

What's the first excellence in a lawyer? Tautology. What's the second? Tautology. What's the third? Tautology. - Richard Steele

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin

If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams

We discern across the centuries a commanding and versatile intelligence, wielding with equal force the sword of war and of justice. - Winston Churchill

In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season. - Bill Vaughan

There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant


see also   Christmas,  Lawyer,  Prison  &  Shopping  Sections

 

One

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20-Nov-2017