‘Twas da night befo’ Christmas & all in the hood,
Not a homie was stirring cuz it was all good;
The tube socks was hung on the window sill
And we all had smiles up on our grill.
Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib -
In the back bedroom, cuz that’s how we live.
And Mom’s in her do-rag and me with my nine,
Had just gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine.
All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by,
Bumpin’ phat beats cuz the system’s fly;
I bounced to the window at a quarter pas’
’Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody’s ass!
Well anyway.... I yelled to my lady, Yo peep this!
She said, “Stop frontin’ & just mind yo’ bidness.”
I said, for real doe, “come check dis out,”
We weren’t even buggin’, no worries, no doubt.
Cuz bumpin’ an thumpin’ from around da way
Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a sleigh;
Da beats was kickin’, da ride was phat,
I said, “Yo red Dawg, you all that!”
He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz,
“Ay yo, give it up, let’s make some noise!
To the top of the projects & across the strip mall,
We gots ta go, I got a booty call!”
He pulled up his ride on the top a da roof,
And sippin’ on a 40, he busted a move;
I yelled up to Santa, “Yo ain’t got no stack!”
He said, “Damn homie, deese projects is wack!”
“But don’t worry black, cuz I gots da skillz -
I learnt back when I hadda pay da billz.”
Out from his bag he pulled 3 small tings
A credit card, a knife, and a bobby pin.
He slid down the fire escape smoove as a cat,
And busted the window wit’ a b-ball bat.
I said, “Whassup, Santa? Whyd’ya bust my place?”
He said, “You best get on up out my face!”
His threads was all leatha, his chains was all gold,
His sneaks was Puma and they was 5 years old;
He dropped down the duffle, Bull’s logo on the side.
Santa broke out da loot and my mouf popped open wide.
A wink of his eye and a shine off his gold toof,
He cabbage patched his way back onto the roof;
He jumped in his hooptie wit’ rims made of chrome,
To tap that big booty waitin’ at home.
And all I heard as he cruised outta sight,
Was a loud and hearty..... “WEEESST SIIIIDE!!!!!!!”
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