Q: What is a webmaster’s favourite Christmas hymn?
A: Oh, .com all ye faithful
Q: What happened when Santa’s cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
A: She had mittens
Q: What did Adam tell his girlfriend on December 24th?
A: “It’s Christmas! Eve.”
Q: What do you call a cow at the North Pole?
A: An Eski-moo
Q: Why did Frosty go to live in the middle of the ocean?
A: Because snow man is an island
Q: What kind of food do you get when you cross a blizzard with a polar bear?
A: A brrr-grrr!
Q: How do you know if there is a reindeer in your refrigerator?
A: The hoof prints in the butter
Q: What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?
A: Anything you want - he can’t hear you
Q: What’d red and green and guides Santa’s sleigh?
A: Rudolph the red-nosed pickle
Q: Why are Christmas trees like people who can’t knit?
A: They both drop their needles
Q: Where is the best place to put your Christmas tree?
A: After your Christmas one and your Christmas two
Q: How does Santa Claus take pictures?
A: With a North Pole-aroid camera
Q: What would a Japanese tourist in Alaska wear?
A: An Eskimono
Q: How does Mickey Mouse get around during the winter?
A: On his Mice skates
Q: Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money?
A: In a snow bank
Q: What do reindeer have that no other animals on earth have?
A: Baby reindeer
Q: What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
A: Lost
Q: If Santa rode a motorcycle, what kind would it be?
A: A Holly Davidson
Q: Does Santa have any money?
A: No - that’s why they call him Saint Nickeless
Q: Why does Santa like to go down chimneys?
A: Because it soots him
Q: But won’t all that soot make him sick?
A: No - he’s had his flue shot
Q: What do you get if you cross a Yule Log with a duck?
A: A Fire Quacker
Q: What does Santa like to eat?
A: A jolly roll
Q: Who is Round John Virgin?
A: One of the twelve opossums
Q: What is special about the Christmas alphabet?
A: There’s NO EL
Q: What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?
A: The letter “D”
Q: What is red and white and goes up and down and up and down?
A: Santa Claus stuck in an elevator
Q: Why is Santa a good race car driver?
A: Because he’s always in the pole position
Q: What do you call it when your Christmas tree explodes?
A: A tannen-bomb (tannenbaum)
Q: Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws
Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep with a cicada?
A: Baa Humbug
Q: What do reindeer say before they tell a joe-k?
A: This will sleigh you
Q: Where does Santa go swimming?
A: The North Pool
Q: How do Santa and Mrs. Claus get around?
A: On an icicle built for two
Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbonhood
Q: Who delivers Christmas presents to dogs?
A: Santa Paws
Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad
Q: How do canines in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleas Navidog
Q: How did Rudolph know Santa fell out of the sleigh?
A: He felt a rein-drop
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish
Q: Where do Santa’s reindeers like to stop for lunch?
A: Deery Queen
Q: What do they call Santa’s helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses
Q: Which of Santa’s reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
A: “Rude”olph
Q: What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney?
A: Santa Claus-trophobia
Q: What’s the difference between a one-winged angel and a two-winged angel?
A: It’s a matter of a pinion
Q: Why did Santa Claus trade Rudolph?
A: He wanted change for a buck
Q: If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missile-toe
Q: Where can you find literature about Santa’s assistants?
A: In the Elf-help section
Q: What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?
A: Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows
Q: Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works for Procter and Gamble?
A: It’s true… Comet cleans sinks
Q: What did the sheep say to the shepherd?
A: Seasons Bleatings
Q: Where did the mistletoe go to become rich and famous?
A: Hollywood
Q: What does Frosty the Snowman take when he gets sick?
A: A chill pill
Q: What does Santa Claus use when he goes skiing?
A: A North Pole
Q: What Christmas Carol is a favourite of parents?
A: Silent Night
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet
Q: What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary
alphabet?
A: The Christmas alphabet has NO L (Noel)
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can Ho, Ho, Ho
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Frosted Flakes
Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A Pen-guin
Q: What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A: I’ll have a Boo Christmas without you
Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad
Q: How do dogs say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleas NaviDog
Q: What do you say to a bad puppy at Christmas?
A: Felix Naughty Dog
Q: What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas?
A: Sandy Claws
Q: What did the guest sing at the Eskimo Christmas party?
A: Freeze a jolly good fellow
Q: What do you get if Santa goes down a chimney when a fire is in it?
A: Crispy Cringle
Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crispy Cringle
Q: What kind of candle burns longer - a red candle or a green candle?
A: Neither - candles always burn shorter
Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: He had low elf esteem
Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic
Q: If Santa doesn’t have to age, then why has he become old?
A: He only appears to be old. He’s an undercover kid.
Q: How can a sleigh possibly fly through the air?
A: If you were being pulled by eight flying reindeer, wouldn’t you fly too?
Q: Why is a Christmas tree that has been chopped down called a “live Christmas tree?”
A: It’s dead but doesn’t know it, and yet it’s having the time of its life.
Q: How many gifts can Santa Claus’s bag hold?
A: One less than infinity. Why one less? Because there’s a limit to everything.
Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
Q: Who sings “Love Me Tender” and makes Christmas toys?
A: Santa’s little Elvis
Q: Whose Christmas parties are full of screams?
A: Dracula’s
How come you never hear anything about the tenth reindeer, Olive?
“Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names...”
Christmas is the time of year when women get Santamental.
Christmas is the time of year when mother has to separate the men from the toys.
Someone has stated that the 3 phrases that best sum up the Christmas season are:
“Peace on Earth”, “Goodwill to Men”, and “Batteries not included.”
Christmess: Five minutes after the gifts are opened.
Did you know that all the angels in Jesus’ heavenly choir had the same name?
Haven’t you heard the song, “Hark, the Harold Angels Sing?”
The 4 Stages of Man:
- He believes in Santa Claus;
- He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus;
- He is Santa Claus;
- He looks like Santa Claus
If Santa Claus had a father, was there a Grandfather Clause?
If Santa went surfing would he look for a beach with a Yule tide?
The crooked Santa who broke out of jail might be called “an escape Claus.”
Ah, Christmas! The one day of the year we can all say our children are truly gifted.
Scrooge loves all the reindeer equally, because every buck is dear to him.
Santa’s sleigh jingles too much... He won’t win the No Bell Prize!
A bird dog could be called a point setter.
see also
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