How To Lose Weight for the New Year

Beware the bathroom scale

John and Connie, after their 4th Christmas turkey dinner of the Holiday Season, made the same New Year’s Resolution - that they would both lose weight in 2017.

The next day, John went into the bathroom and went on the weight scale. While on the scale, he took a deep breath and sucked in his gut.

Connie looked over at John and said, “I hardly think that sucking in your gut will help you lose any weight!”

John answered, “Yes, it does help - it’s the only way that I can see the numbers on the scale.”



QuotaBills
A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

New Year's Day is every man's birthday. - Charles Lamb

I'm not gaining weight. I'm living large. - Unknown

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. - Unknown

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown

When I go I'll take New Year's Eve with me. - Guy Lombardo

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

The cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown

It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. - William Thomas

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been. - Rainer M. Rilke

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! - Joey Adams

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. - Unknown

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. - Unknown

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West

The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul. - G K Chesterton

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. - Benjamin Franklin

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

The first requisite of a good citizen in this republic of ours is that he shall be able and willing to pull his weight. - Theodore Roosevelt

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned now to cook. - Andy Rooney

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

Confidence is beautiful, no matter your size, no matter your weight. Be confident in who you are and you'll be beautiful. - Unknown

New Year's Day ... now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain


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18-Jan-2019