How To Lose Weight for the New Year

Beware the bathroom scale

John and Connie, after their 4th Christmas turkey dinner of the Holiday Season, made the same New Year’s Resolution - that they would both lose weight in 2017.

The next day, John went into the bathroom and went on the weight scale. While on the scale, he took a deep breath and sucked in his gut.

Connie looked over at John and said, “I hardly think that sucking in your gut will help you lose any weight!”

John answered, “Yes, it does help - it’s the only way that I can see the numbers on the scale.”



QuotaBills
A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

New Year's Day is every man's birthday. - Charles Lamb

I'm not gaining weight. I'm living large. - Unknown

My weight is perfect for my height - which varies. - Unknown

The New Year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. - George William Curtis

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. - Unknown

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown

When I go I'll take New Year's Eve with me. - Guy Lombardo

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right. - Oprah Winfrey

It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. - William Thomas

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Every man regards his own life as the New Year’s Eve of time. - Jean Paul Richter

And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been. - Rainer M. Rilke

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! - Joey Adams

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. - Unknown

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. - Sophocles

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker

You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. - Old Farmer's Almanac

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. - John Updike

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan

Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since. - Dave Beard

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned now to cook. - Andy Rooney

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate

New Year's Day ... now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain


see also   Diet  &  New Years  Sections

 

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17-Aug-2018