How To Lose Weight for the New Year

Beware the bathroom scale

John and Connie, after their 4th Christmas turkey dinner of the Holiday Season, made the same New Year’s Resolution - that they would both lose weight in 2017.

The next day, John went into the bathroom and went on the weight scale. While on the scale, he took a deep breath and sucked in his gut.

Connie looked over at John and said, “I hardly think that sucking in your gut will help you lose any weight!”

John answered, “Yes, it does help - it’s the only way that I can see the numbers on the scale.”



QuotaBills
Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

New Year's Day is every man's birthday. - Charles Lamb

I'm not gaining weight. I'm living large. - Unknown

The New Year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. - George William Curtis

When I go I'll take New Year's Eve with me. - Guy Lombardo

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

The cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right. - Oprah Winfrey

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Every man regards his own life as the New Year’s Eve of time. - Jean Paul Richter

And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been. - Rainer M. Rilke

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. - Sophocles

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West

I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown

The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul. - G K Chesterton

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. - John Updike

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan

Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since. - Dave Beard

The first requisite of a good citizen in this republic of ours is that he shall be able and willing to pull his weight. - Theodore Roosevelt

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

Confidence is beautiful, no matter your size, no matter your weight. Be confident in who you are and you'll be beautiful. - Unknown

New Year's Day ... now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


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15-Jul-2019