Christmas Possessions To Enter Heaven

Are you qualified to enter the Pearly Gates?


Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said, “We love the sound of handbells - you may pass through the pearly gates.”

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “They’re Carols.”




QuotaBills
Even the candle seller dies in the dark. - Colombian Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. - Rita Mae Brown

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. - Unknown

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars. - Matthew W. Stover

Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson

I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. - Philip Brookes

It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

As your runway of life gets shorter, the lighter the load. - Joe Segal

A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf

There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. - Mitch Hedberg

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Don't let your dreams rust! Listen to your youthful bells ringing loud inside of you. - Bernard Kelvin Clive

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

Piano playing is more difficult than statesmanship. It is harder to awake emotions in ivory keys than it is in human beings. - Ignace Jan Paderewski

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

My candle burns at both ends,
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light! - Edna St Vincent Millay

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Lord Francis Bacon

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha


see also   Christmas  Section
Christmas Fireplace Tip
Forget The Present
Heathen’s Greetings
Merry House
Office Party Grinch
Saskatchewan Entrepreneur
Save Santa The Trip
Signs of Christmas Everywhere
Texas Hood Ornament
Walking In A Doggie Wonderland

 

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19-Oct-2019