The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one;
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em;
When the Pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering.” Five guys and two women stand up;
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official Church holiday;
A member of the Church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of”;
The choir is known as the “OK Chorale”;
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the Church directory;
Baptism is referred to as “branding”;
There’s a special fundraiser for a new church septic tank;
Finding and returning lost sheep isn’t just a parable;
High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling;
People think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy;
The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub;
The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob’s Barbecue;
The collection plates are hub caps from a ’56 Chevy;
Instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call;
The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks;
The communion wine is Boone’s Farm “Tickled Pink”;
“Thou shalt not covet” applies to hunting dogs, too;
The final words of the benediction are, “Ya’ll come back now! Ya Hear.”
see also
Redneck & Religious Sections
 I Can Still Kiss You |
 Church Dinner |
 59 Chev Boat |
 Urgent World War I Message |
 An Iceberg Floated Into Town |
 Walk Sign Timing |
 Family Hands |
 Chocolate Bed |
 Crocodile Floor |
 Texas 911 |
 Walk Sign Ending |
 Mower Handle Extender |
 Dentist Waiting Room |
 Ice Bell |
 Reptile Ride |
 Morning Inspiration |
 Fatal Text Message |
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