- Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, “This neighborhood ain’t big enough for the both of us.”
- Instead of mile and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
- Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
- Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
- Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
- Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
- Paint hoof prints all over your face and clothes. While he’s in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you’ve been trampled. Threaten to sue.
- Take everything out of your house as if it’s just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, “Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime.”
- Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney.
- While he’s in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
- While he’s in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn’t have missed that last payment, and take off.
- While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
- While he’s in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
see also
Christmas & Practical Sections
 I Can Still Kiss You |
 Church Dinner |
 59 Chev Boat |
 Urgent World War I Message |
 An Iceberg Floated Into Town |
 Walk Sign Timing |
 Family Hands |
 Chocolate Bed |
 Crocodile Floor |
 Texas 911 |
 Walk Sign Ending |
 Mower Handle Extender |
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