Early Christmas School Break

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

I graduated first in my class from alibi school. - Jeffrey McDaniel

The New Year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. - George William Curtis

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings. - JRR Tolkien

Example is the school of mankind, and they will learn at no other. - Edmund Burke

I was a great student at a great school, Wharton School of Finance. - Donald Trump

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words. - William Shakespeare

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award. - Jack Nicholson

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffet

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

Just 'cause there's snow in the basement don't mean there ain't no fire in the roof! - Archie Bunker

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. - George Burns

The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love. - Margaret Atwood

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

The chief reason for going to school is to get the impression fixed for life that there is a book side for everything. - Robert Frost

In my last year of school, I was voted Class Optimist and Class Pessimist. Looking back, I realize I was only half right. - Jack Nicholson

The Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower. They're monumental. They're straight out of Page 52 in your school history book. - Billy Crystal

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

When I finished school, I took one of those career-aptitude tests, and based on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime. - Tim Cavanagh

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller