Early Christmas School Break

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

I graduated first in my class from alibi school. - Jeffrey McDaniel

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. - Mark Twain

Jon Snow: I'm not afraid to die.
Mormont: Nor life, I hope. - George R.R. Martin

I don't want to send them to jail. I want to send them to school. - Adlai Stevenson

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. - Woody Allen

When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award. - Jack Nicholson

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffet

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. - George Burns

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. - Mark Twain

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love. - Margaret Atwood

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

The chief reason for going to school is to get the impression fixed for life that there is a book side for everything. - Robert Frost

It is the studying you do after your school days that really counts. Otherwise, you know only that which everyone else knows. - Henry L. Doherty

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today. - George Foreman