Early Christmas School Break

I graduated first in my class from alibi school. - Jeffrey McDaniel

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

I was a great student at a great school, Wharton School of Finance. - Donald Trump

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

She walked across the ballroom as if she were trudging through deep snow. - Noel Coward

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words. - William Shakespeare

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award. - Jack Nicholson

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

There's one good thing about snow: it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's. - Clyde Moore

If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

Advice is like snow, the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. - Mark Twain

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love. - Margaret Atwood

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson