![]() How kids in Ohio get an early break for holidays I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown Where does the white go when the snow melts? - Hugh Kieffer I go to school the youth to learn the future. - Robert Frost The New Year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. - George William Curtis Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield Jon Snow: I'm not afraid to die. Mormont: Nor life, I hope. - George R.R. Martin The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. - Woody Allen When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award. - Jack Nicholson I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz There's one good thing about snow: it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's. - Clyde Moore It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. - George Burns It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. - Mark Twain In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor The chief reason for going to school is to get the impression fixed for life that there is a book side for everything. - Robert Frost Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today. - George Foreman You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson see also Christmas & School Sections |
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