Engineer’s Christmas Spec Plans   (pdf file)

What happens when you let an Engineer design Christmas


Engineers gone mad!
Asbestos Free Flocking for the Christmas tree
Christmas lights not to exceed one candle power
Christmas tree 'Dripline' and Limits of Present Placement
Compliancy Standards for trees over 6'-0"
Duct Tape needs a professional elf's approval
Flame Retardant sprayed on the Christmas tree with scented pine aerosol
Limits of Santa's landing strip on the chimney
Load Bearing Christmas tree stand
Presents wrapped in semi-gloss festive paper with adhesive clear strips
Roof Live Loads - capable of supporting reindeer, loaded sleigh & an overweight man
Roof Top holiday compliancy plans
Runaway sleigh containment barrier - made from high strength bungee material
Seismic Studies to ensure tree is placed in a geologically secure area
Tree angel attached with H7 braces
Wheelchair access to the fireplace

When an Engineer designs Christmas

QuotaBills
The artist in me cries out for design. - Robert Frost

Spring is the time of plans and projects. - Leo Tolstoy

The engineering is secondary to the vision. - Cynthia Ozick

Architecture begins where engineering ends. - Walter Gropius

I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray. - Seymoure Cray

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

The writer is the engineer of the human soul. - Joseph Stalin

Plans are worthless, but planning is everything. - Dwight D Eisenhower

There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

If you want to give God a good laugh, tell Him your plans. - Yiddish Proverb

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving. - Lao-tzu

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. - John Lennon

Plans are only good intentions unless they immediately degenerate into hard work. - Peter F Drucker

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

Scientists discover the world that exists; engineers create the world that never was. - Theodore von Karman

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

I don't make plans, because life is short and unpredictable - much like the weather. - Al Roker

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. - Jim Rohn

When a man has no design but to speak plain truth, he may say a great deal in a very narrow compass. - Sir Richard Steele

One has to look out for engineers - they begin with sewing machines and end up with the atomic bomb. - Marcel Pagnol

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

The past exists only in our memories,
The future only in our plans.
The present is our only reality. - Robert Pirsig

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

The Swedish engineer who invented the zip fastener made a greater intellectual leap than many scientists do in a lifetime. - Martin Rees

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind. - Seneca

Never design your character like a garden where anyone can walk. Design your character like the sky where everyone's desire is to reach. - Unknown

They submitted bills, and we paid them. Then we checked the engineering reports and found out that we had paid them far more than we owed them. - Donald Trump

Don't lie. Life is a puzzle and we are all unique pieces. When you lie, you make it impossible to find your true place in the grand design. - Steve Maraboli

When I studied graphic design, I learned a valuable lesson: There's no perfect answer to the puzzle, and creativity is a renewable resource. - Biz Stone

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. - Unknown

Whenever you are embarrassed, just remember that in 1999 NASA destroyed a $655 Million project because the engineers mistook kilograms and pounds. - Unknown


Christmas  in an  Engineering  company

 

Never Go Full Retard

Floor Legs

Bowen Arrow

Aussie Mailbox

Pike Mouth Nest

Horse-Back Riding

Same Mistake Twice

Vegan Dentist

Smirnoff Women

Burnout Indication

Filet Minion

Israeli Moving Company

2019 Hooters Owl & Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Crab Collection

Gas-Resistant Pram

A Balanced Diet

How To Build A Fence

It's Broken Now

Lost Luggage

Portable Samurai
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18-Dec-2018