Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Q: What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents?
A: Silent Night.
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Q: What is in December that isn’t in any other month?
A: The letter “D”.
Q: Why are the Christmas alphabet and ordinary alphabet different?
A: The Christmas alphabet has No L (Noel).
Q: Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it “soots” him.
Q: Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Q: Why wasn’t the turkey hungry at Christmas time?
A: He was stuffed.
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. - Mae West
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
Where does the white go when the snow melts? - Hugh Kieffer
The New Year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. - George William Curtis
I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings. - JRR Tolkien
Jon Snow: I'm not afraid to die.
Mormont: Nor life, I hope. - George R.R. Martin
She walked across the ballroom as if she were trudging through deep snow. - Noel Coward
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words. - William Shakespeare
Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
There's one good thing about snow: it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's. - Clyde Moore
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright
I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
Just 'cause there's snow in the basement don't mean there ain't no fire in the roof! - Archie Bunker
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
Advice is like snow, the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love. - Margaret Atwood
Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey
I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put
the batteries. - Milton Berle
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple
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