‘Twas the Day After Christmas

Where even the mouse was hurting

‘Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurting - even the mouse;
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
Upstairs the family continued to snore;
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter...
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror -
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said, “U.S. POSTMAN.”

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox;
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came,
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:

“Now Dillard’s, now Broadway’s, now Penny’s and Sears,
Here’s Levitz’s and Target’s and Mervyn’s - all here!
To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!”

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work,
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk;
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
“Enjoy what you got... you’ll be paying all year!”



QuotaBills
It's only a toy. - Gardiner Greene Hubbard

I get mail; therefore I am. - Scott Adams

Open your mail over the wastebasket. - Jeff Davidson

Money: the poor man's credit card. - Marshal McLuhan

Where does he get those wonderful toys? - Jack Nicholson

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value. - Marechal Ferdinand Foch

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. - Steven Wright

That picture with Lon Chaney - "Of Mouse And Men." - Archie Bunker

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

If the cat sits long enough at the hole, it will catch the mouse. - Irish proverb

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. - Steven Wright

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. - Rodney Dangerfield

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill. - Christopher Parker

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

A check or credit card, a Gucci bag strap, anything of value will do. Give as you live. - Jesse Jackson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

No matter how big and bad you are, when a 2-year-old hand you a toy phone, you answer it. - Unknown

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up. - Sarah Jessica Parker

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing. - Groucho Marx

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

You learn you can do your best even when it's hard, even when you're tired and maybe hurting a little bit. It feels good to show some courage. - Joe Namath


see also   Christmas  &  Stress  Sections
Christmas Balls
Christmas Bro-quet
Christmas Budget
Christmas Dinner Made Easy
Christmas Fireplace Tip
Christmas Hedgehog
Christmas Light Installation
Christmas Pencil Sharpener
Christmas Possessions To Enter Heaven
Christmas Thrones
Female Santa
Firefighter Decorations
Forget The Present
Gingerbread Reservation
Gingerbread Star Wars Walker
Heathen’s Greetings
Holiday Bike
Jingle Cats’ White Christmas
Merry ChristMouse
Merry House
Montgomery Ward 1934 Christmas Catalog
Office Party Grinch
Pork Bean Christmas
Recession Christmas Tree
Redneck Christmas Sleigh
Reindeer Strike
Santa Claus as a Farmer
Santa Claws Is Coming To Town
Santa Convention
Santa Elephant
Santa For Kids
Santa Stop Lights
Santa’s Last Stop For Mexican Food
Santa’s Scooter Sleigh
Saskatchewan Entrepreneur
Save Santa The Trip
Siberian Santa
Signs of Christmas Everywhere
Texas Hood Ornament
Three Wise Men
Three Wise Women

 

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21-Feb-2018