‘Twas the Day After Christmas

Where even the mouse was hurting

‘Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurting - even the mouse;
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
Upstairs the family continued to snore;
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter...
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror -
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said, “U.S. POSTMAN.”

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox;
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came,
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:

“Now Dillard’s, now Broadway’s, now Penny’s and Sears,
Here’s Levitz’s and Target’s and Mervyn’s - all here!
To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!”

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work,
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk;
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
“Enjoy what you got... you’ll be paying all year!”



QuotaBills
It's only a toy. - Gardiner Greene Hubbard

I get mail; therefore I am. - Scott Adams

Open your mail over the wastebasket. - Jeff Davidson

Money: the poor man's credit card. - Marshal McLuhan

Where does he get those wonderful toys? - Jack Nicholson

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The mouse that fears the trap has already been trapped. - Marty Rubin

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. - Steven Wright

That picture with Lon Chaney - "Of Mouse And Men." - Archie Bunker

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail. - Luciano Pavarotti

If the cat sits long enough at the hole, it will catch the mouse. - Irish proverb

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. - Steven Wright

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. - Rodney Dangerfield

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill. - Christopher Parker

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

A check or credit card, a Gucci bag strap, anything of value will do. Give as you live. - Jesse Jackson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

He that respects himself is safe from others, he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up. - Sarah Jessica Parker

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing. - Groucho Marx

We can smile even though we are hurting and we can feel happy even though we are unhappy. It's called strength. - Thea Destiny

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

You learn you can do your best even when it's hard, even when you're tired and maybe hurting a little bit. It feels good to show some courage. - Joe Namath


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29-Jun-2017