Irish School Demolition

Is this a demolition company or a joe-k factory?

Why teachers shouldn’t give extra homework on Fridays!


[This is a girl in Ireland who’s making prank calls at the age of 8.
She doesn’t like her school and she wants to get it demolished,
so she goes to a demolition expert and tries to convince him...]

Hello, Inter Core.
Hi, is that the demolition place?
It is, yes.
Could you help me to destroy my school please.
Just bare with me a second...
Hello.
Hi.
What school do you go to?
I go to a school in Dublin.
And you want it demolished?
Yeah. Do you use a big wrecking ball, or how do you knock it down?
A big ball.
Right.
Hold on one wee second please...
Hello.
How are you - my name’s Becky.
Yes.
I have a proposal for ya.
Go ahead.
Are you the demolition man?
Yes.
You’re the top boss, yeah?
Go ahead, what’s the tact?
Hello?
I want you to help me destroy my school.
You want it blown up?
Can you blow it up, or knock it down?
Whatever you want done.
I’ll blow it up, that would be better. Can you make sure that all my teachers are in there when you knock it down?
Don’t know if you’ll get away with that now.
Nobody likes them – they give me extra homework on a Friday and everything.
Where are you calling from?
From Dublin.
What school in Dublin?
The one that’s about to fall down.
There’s a lot of schools in Dublin about to fall down.
And how much would it cost to knock it to the ground?
It depends how big it is.
Give me a ballpark figure.
Croke Park is ainm é   [Croke Park is its name (ball park)]
Agus go leor scoile is tigh eile.
[And many other schools and houses]
Is this a demolition company or a joe-k factory?
It’s a joe-k factory at the minute... It’s a joe-k factory.
Listen, are you gonna come and knock my school down or what?
Can you FAX me through a photograph or a site plan, or something.
Right, I’ll FAX you through a plan of the school and my teacher’s names.
Yeah – no problem, yeah.
And you just make sure that they’re all in the building when you knock it down.
You put all their names on it – I’ll give you a page for each individual teacher.
Brilliant.
Yeah.
When the school falls down, will it make a crash or a whallop?
It will make a big bang.
Sounds good. Oh listen, I’ll talk to you later, top man.
Good luck, a Chailín ar buile!   [crazy girl]
Fill your boots man!
Good luck.
See you after.


QuotaBills
I'm just a true Irish boy at heart. - Colin Farrell

To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy

Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews

When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh

Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth

The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan

I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck

I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock

I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford

I've had Irish skin from the time I was a young girl. - Lara Flynn Boyle

The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery

I miss Irish milk. Probably not as much as Superquinn sausages. - Tristan MacManus

Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. - Mark Twain

Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan

The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit

When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award. - Jack Nicholson

I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly

At the heart of the Irish economy has always been the philosophy of tax competitiveness. - Bono

I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole

I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy

Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown

Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle

I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke

I'm proud of my Irish heritage and culture and this show will feature a lot of Irish dancing. - Michael Flatley

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford

I think I'm going to keep my Irish accent forever now in any movie I make, because chicks dig it. - Chris O'Dowd

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. - Mark Twain

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

I played basketball in high school, and I love watching sports - I'll watch everything except maybe hockey. - Andy Roddick

We've never been cool, we're hot. Irish people are Italians who can't dress, Jamaicans who can't dance. - Bono

Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

It is the studying you do after your school days that really counts. Otherwise, you know only that which everyone else knows. - Henry L. Doherty

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown

It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien


see also   Practical  Section
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey!
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Banister Blessing
Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Virgin
Irish Yoga
Irish Weather Forecasting
Leprechaun Treats
Little Leprechaun
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
St. Patrick’s Pot of Gold
Swimming Buddies
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?

 

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17-Jun-2019