Christmas Thrones

Getting the low-down on Santa’s daily duties







QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle


see also   Bathroom  &  Christmas  Sections
Bird Stocking
Christmas Balls
Christmas Budget
Christmas Dinner Made Easy
Christmas Fireplace Tip
Christmas Hedgehog
Christmas Light Installation
Christmas Pencil Sharpener
Christmas Possessions To Enter Heaven
Firefighter Decorations
Forget The Present
Gingerbread Star Wars Walker
Heathen’s Greetings
Jingle Cats’ White Christmas
Merry House
Office Party Grinch
Recession Christmas Tree
Redneck Christmas Sleigh
Santa Elephant
Santa For Kids
Santa Stop Lights
Santa’s Last Stop For Mexican Food
Santa’s Scooter Sleigh
Saskatchewan Entrepreneur
Save Santa The Trip
Signs of Christmas Everywhere
Texas Hood Ornament
Three Wise Men
Three Wise Women

 

Bicycle Built For Two

Love Thy Neighbour

High-Wire Act Violin

If You Work Hard

Whose Problem

Redneck Tank Top

Alien Pastry

Minion HotHead

Bacon Beer Mug

Daddy, Can I Ride It?

Daily Trivia I

Post-it Succession Planning

Vacuum Cleaning Skills

Stay Off The Grass

Best Tea Cup

An Evening Prayer

Stealing A Bass

Beware Of Sign

Two Meals In One

Moses Tea
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23-Apr-2018