Husband of the Year

Ole shared everything with his wife - even his work

Wife pulling tiller in farm field while Husband stters it - Husband of the Year

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife. - African Proverb

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

Behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money. - Joey Adams

My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

My husband's German. Every night I get dressed up as Poland and he invades me. - Bette Midler

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon

see also   Marriage   Section
Badger Bale
Bucket Bath
Country SUV
Dutch Cowboy
Horse Follower
Husband Colors
Man of the Year Finalists
Once A Kid, Always A Kid
Redneck Bull-Only Carrier
Redneck Cadillac
Summer in Saskatchewan
Sunday Drive in the Country
Technology For Country Folk
Wife Of The Year
Will To Live


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