Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes:
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup white flower
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
4 large eggs (room temperature)
Nuts (your choice)
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit
Sample tequila to check quality; take a large bowl.
Check tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point, it’s best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
Wine is bottled poetry. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Chocolate cake is the bomb! - Scarlett Pomers
In wine, there is the truth. - Pliny the Elder
Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash
The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American Saying
When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller
Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb
We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown
Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson
Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman
My policy on cake is pro having it and pro eating it. - Boris Johnson
A lot of movies are about life, mine are like a slice of cake. - Alfred Hitchcock
One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber
Because the sweeter the cake, the more bitter the jelly can be. - Lady Gaga
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson
All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much. - George Harrison
Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain
A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman
To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson
My idea of baking is buying a ready-make cake mix and throwing in an egg. - Cilla Black
A nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me. - Audrey Hepburn
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov
Always give them the old fire, even when you feel like a squashed cake of ice. - Ethel Merman
I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel
Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany
This is a Jewish cake - they give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed. - Archie Bunker
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx
A bad review is like baking a cake with all the best ingredients and having someone sit on it. - Danielle Steel
He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece. - Ludwig Erhard
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put
the batteries. - Milton Berle
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin
We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore
You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster
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