Tequila Christmas Cake

Don’t forget to beat off the turner!


Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes:

Ingredients:
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup white flower
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs (room temperature)
Nuts (your choice)
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit

Directions:
Sample tequila to check quality; take a large bowl.
Check tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point, it’s best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
Check the tequila.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
Cherry Christmas!


QuotaBills
Chocolate cake is the bomb! - Scarlett Pomers

Photographing a cake can be art. - Irving Penn

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley

Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

For me, the cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake. - Alfred Hitchcock

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

"Let 'em eat cake," to quote the late Mark Antonette. - Archie Bunker

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman

My idea of baking is buying a ready-make cake mix and throwing in an egg. - Cilla Black

A nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me. - Audrey Hepburn

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. - Mitch Hedberg

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

We have always said that advertising is just the icing on the cake. It is not the cake. - Meg Whitman

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King

We're really just the frosting on a cake and we don't know what's inside the cake. - Adam Riess

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor


see also  Bar,  Christmas  &  Food   Sections
Christmas Fruitcake Recipe
Feel Like a Christmas Fruitcake?
How Tequila Works
Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

 

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19-May-2019