Simon’s Gas

When Simon’s Car needs Simon’s Cat’s Advice





QuotaBills
You gotta be kitten me. - Unknown

Curiosity killed the cat. - English Proverb

A meowing cat catches no mice. - Yiddish proverb

International Spade The Cat Week - Archie Bunker

After dark, all cats are leopards. - Zuni Proverb

Meow means "woof" in cat. - George Carlin

When the cat's away, the mice will play. - French Proverb

A cat bitten once by a snake dreads even rope. - Arab Proverb

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death. - Unknown

The kind man feeds his cat before sitting down to dinner. - Hebrew Proverb

If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one. - Mother Teresa

Women's clothes: never wear anything that panics the cat. - P.J. O'Rourke

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life. - Faith Resnick

If the cat sits long enough at the hole, it will catch the mouse. - Irish proverb

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it. - Ogden Nash

When rats infest the palace, a lame cat is better than the swiftest horse. - Chinese Proverb

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. - Garrison Keillor

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. - Mark Twain

When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,
May luck be yours on Halloween. - Unknown

From every Englishman emanates a kind of gas, the deadly choke-lamp of boredom. - Heinrich Heine

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat. - Mark Twain

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

Without my Vulcan cat suit, Frankenstein wig and pointed ears, I don't get recognized. - Jolene Blalock

Always the cat remains a little beyond the limits we try to set for him in our blind folly. - Andre Norton

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. - Charles Darwin

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas. - Bill Vaughan

I will be deafer than the blue-eyed cat, And thrice as blind as any noonday owl, To holy virgins in their ecstasies. - Lord Alfred Tennyson

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

Money is like gasoline during a road trip. You don't want to run out of gas on your trip, but you're not doing a tour of gas stations. - Tim O'Reilly

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

When I hear of an 'equity' in a case like this, I am reminded of a blind man in a dark room - looking for a black cat - which isn't there. - Charles Bowen


see also   Art,  Car,  Cat  &  Illusion  Sections

 

Wurst Humour

Car Pool Lane

Do Not Read Law

Faith Forever

Diet Silverware

Octopus Pasta

No Separation

Zombie Mug

What A Radical

Bacon My Heart

Aussie Drinkers

How a Tangerine Is Made

For Lazy Shoppers

Wildlife Photographer

Wi-Fi Neighbour

Walker Safety

Greatest Daughter

Sourtoe Cocktail

Ogre Tree

Dog Pot Nap
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

21-Oct-2018