Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down.
I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered. (I always call him “honey” in times like these)
“I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.”
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.
“Are you kidding’ me”, he barked, “I dropped you off!!!”
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”
He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn’t steal your car.”
Yep it’s the Golden Years...
Forget Cutie, I'd rather be Pumpkin! - Unknown
Once people begin to reason, all is lost. - Voltaire
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. - Rita Mae Brown
The key to winning is to be brilliant at the basics. - Vince Lombardi
I'm the girl who lost her reputation and never missed it. - Mae West
It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all. - Groucho Marx
I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin
The biggest sin in the world would be if I lost my love for the ocean. - Laird Hamilton
It is better to have loafed and lost, than never to have loafed at all. - James Thurber
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman
Young men soon give, and soon forget, affronts; old age is slow in both. - Joseph Addison
Those who can't forget are worse off than those who can't remember. - Unknown
Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost. - Helen Keller
No star is lost once we have seen; We always may be what we might have been. - Adelaide Proctor
You forget what you want to remember, and you remember what you want to forget. - Cormac McCarthy
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin
They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel. - Carl W. Buechner
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. - Erma Bombeck
The joke was lost on the foreigner - guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke. - Mark Twain
Madness is loving the unsolvable puzzle of your soul and replacing the lost pieces with my own. - Shannon L. Alder
Tell me and I'll forget. Show me and I may not remember. Involve me and I'll understand. - Native American Proverb
Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. - Rita Rudner
There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino
Sometimes I feel like a normal person. Sometimes I forget I'm on parole, that I'm not really free. - Jennifer Lane
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein
In every jigsaw puzzle, there is one key piece, and the only tough job is to identify that key piece from the mess out there. - Sapan Saxena
The key to happiness and youth is an unencumbered spirit – whether it comes naturally or whether you have to work hard for it. - Emme Woodhull-Bache
Desire is the key to motivation. It is the key to develop a healthy personality and a positive attitude towards oneself and others. - Amit Abraham
Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright
Modesty is invisibility... Never forget it. To be seen - to be seen - is to be... penetrated. What you must be girls, is impenetrable. - Margaret Atwood
Anytime I feel lost, I pull out a map and stare. I stare until I have reminded myself that life is a giant adventure, so much to do, to see. - Angelina Jolie
When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill
Wit is the key, I think, to anybody's heart. Show me the person who doesn't like to laugh and I'll show you a person with a toe tag. - Julia Roberts
You need the kind of objectivity that makes you forget everything you've heard, clear the table, and do a factual study like a scientist would. - Steve Wozniak
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright
Aging, Marriage, Police & Stress Sections
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Lost and Found
Lost Hyundai of New Brunswick
Lost Unfriendly Cat
USB Lost Memory Stick
Who Lost The Keys?
How Not To Prop Start Your Plane
Wild Game Nutrition Guide
Definition Of A Good Friend
Redneck Car Repair
Insect Food Fight
Living At C Level
Little Johnny Bath
Emergency Stops Only
Portable Balance Beam
Fried Eggs - Military Style
Teenage Mutant Ninja Hay Bail