You’ve Lived In Alberta Too Long When...

Life on the Canadian prairies


- Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor and combine crew on the highway;
- “Vacation” means driving through Banff or Jasper Park or going “back to school” shopping in Calgary;
- You’ve seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular;
- You measure distance in hours. Not minutes or kilometers;
- You’ve been to a tractor pull;
- South to you means Montana; Winnipeg is “back East”; B.C. is “the coast”;
- You know who has to pay for the damage to your truck and the dead cow when you hit one;
- Your school classes were cancelled because of cold, but only when it was -40 or colder;
- You’ve had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day;
- You think ethanol makes your truck “run a lot better”;
- You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: “Where’s my coat at?” or “If you go to the mall I wanna go with”;
- You often reply “you bet!” or “hell yes!”;
- You’ve gotten a “To Go” drink from the local bar;
- You install security lights on your house and barn and leave both unlocked;
- You know what “Cow Tipping”, “Garden Raiding” and “Snipe Hunting” are;
- You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup;
- You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit;
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow;
- Driving in the winter is often simply a matter of staying between the fence posts;
- You think that washing your pickup is a waste of time and money;
- You have never owned a vehicle that did not have cracks in the windshield;
- You get claustrophobic when you’re in a “big city” like Red Deer and their traffic is “just awful, you wouldn’t believe it”;
- You think sexy winter lingerie is a flannel nightie and tube socks;
- You know how many cords of wood it will take to get through the winter;
- You think that the opening of elk season should be a national holiday;
- You carry a roll of toilet paper in the glove box in case you have to stop and go by the road;
- Your radio antenna is an old clothes hanger or piece of baling wire;
- You find -20 degrees “a little chilly”;
- You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Construction.


see also   Canada,  Survivor  &  Weather  Sections

 

Hye Spirits

Bat Shade

Party Frog

Designer Dog

Redneck Repair Kit

5th Beatle

Redneck Wine Rack

Domino Telephone Booths

Saudi Paddleboarders

Extreme Littering

British Hairways

With Or Without The Beatles

How To Improve Your Car's Radio Reception

Stop And Smell The Flowers

Night Watch

Leg Works

Laws Of Physics For Goats

Saskatchewan Roads

Join Me For A Swim

The Netherlands Canadian Tulip
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

19-Jun-2019