Church Stories
After the
christening of his baby brother in church, Little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the
back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy
replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I
wanted to stay with you guys."
Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. She
was puzzled by Kyle's picture which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him
which story it was meant to represent.
"The flight to Egypt," said Kyle. "I see ... and that must be Mary, Joseph,
and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said. "But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot!"
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers
before eating?"
"No sir," Little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good
cook!"
A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trapdoor
and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope,
the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well
received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite
overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell,"
the stagehand pulled the rope. The actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck.
No amount of tugging onto rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony
jumped up and yelled, "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in
Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally
got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned
over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and
will have to start his sermon all over again!'.
It worked!"
A dietician was addressing a large audience in Chicago: "The material we put into our
stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful;
soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be
disastrous, and none of us realizes the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking
water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have eaten, or
will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and
suffering for years after eating?"
A 75 year-old man in the front row stood up and said: "Wedding cake."