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Deep Thoughts - by Dennis Miller
Is there another word for synonym?
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

And whose cruel idea was it to put an “S” in the word “Lisp”?

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... Is he still wrong?

If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?

If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide... is it considered a hostage situation?

Is it true that cannibals won’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”?

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will clean them?

Why do they put Braille on the drive thru bank machines?

Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

Would a wingless fly be called a walk?


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24-Jun-2017