Embarrassing Moments
Birthday Suit
I was taking
a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet
paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few
shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our
Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically,
and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to
discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing
nothing but a camera!
Name Withheld (from a Lady Golfer)
I was at the golf
store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had
been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without
thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Nuts About You
My sister and I were
at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the
display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No,
I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy
grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me
forget.
Top Four Winners of
a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest
in the "New Woman Magazine"
Na-na na-na na-nah!
While in line at the
bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was
finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's
pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even
the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
behind me were screams of laughter.
Surprise!
It was the day before
my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening,
so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making
love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her
a nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have
time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on
and a whole crowd of people yelled, "SURPRISE!" My entire family: aunts, uncles,
grandparents, cousins and all my friends were standing there. My girlfriend and I were
frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then,
no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.
Priceless
One of the funniest
"most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in a long time was about a
lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the
checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment
when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE
CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the
rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for
"THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom.
"DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A
HAMMER?"
Mom's Advice
A teacher
noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his
crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite
embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite
itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone his
mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only
to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to
call your mom." she screamed. "I did," he said, "And she told me that
if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."