Redneck Medical Terms

What ya gonna do with ’im, Jethro - Barium?


Artery: Study of paintings.
Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.
Barium: What you do with dead folks.
Benign: What you be after you be eight.
Bowel: A letter like A, E, I, O, U.
Catscan: Searching for the cat.
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.
Caesarian Section: A neighborhood in Rome.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
D&C: Where Washington is.
Dilate: To live longer than your kids do.
Enema: Not a friend.
Fester: Quicker than someone else.
Fibula: A small lie.
Genital: Not a Jew.
G.I. Series: An Army ball game.
Hangnail: Coat hook.
Impotent: Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff: A Doctor’s cane, sometimes shown with a snake.
Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.
Node: Was aware of.
Outpatient: A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.
Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative: A letter carrier.
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.
Rectum: Dang nearly killed him.
Secretion: Hiding something.
Seizure: Roman emperor who lived in the Caesarian Section.
Tablet: A small table to change babies on.
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the train station.
Tumor: More than one.
Urine: Opposite to you are out.
Varicose: Near by.
Vein: Conceited.
Very close veins: overly conceited and near by.



QuotaBills
Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Conservatives define themselves in terms of what they oppose. - George Will

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's. - Henry Moore

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

In terms of being late or not starting at all, then it's never too late. - Alison Headley

An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. - Alfred A. Knopf

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens

"Absorption of overhead" is one of the most obscene terms I have ever heard. - Peter F Drucker

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Only priests and fools are fearless and I've never been on the best of terms with God. - Patrick Rothfuss

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. - Erma Bombeck

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. - H L Mencken

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

My basics are black, white, or neutral, and I'll wear a ton of jewelry or carry a brightly colored bag. - Rachel Zoe

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't. - Lemony Snicket

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. - Confucius

I see history as really cyclical in terms of the intense idealism, and the desire to create a better life outside of societal norms. - Lauren Groff

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

I had very good dentures once. Some magnificent gold work. It's the only form of jewelry a man can wear that women fully appreciate. - Graham Greene

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin


see also   Medical  &  Redneck   Sections
Blonde’s Medical Dictionary
Far Wood Sale
New Medic Alert Bracelet
Redneck Dictionary
Special “Southernisms”

 

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19-Aug-2017