Tonto’s Horse Coolant

The Lone Ranger rides again


The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, “Who owns the big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, “I do - Why?”
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”

Tonto said, “Sure, Kemosabe” and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, “Who owns that big white horse outside?”
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, “I do - what’s wrong with him this time?”

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, “Nothin’, but you left your Injun running.”


QuotaBills
I should like to be a horse. - Queen Elizabeth II

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Horse ovaries (hors d'oeuvres) - Archie Bunker

Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run. - Unknown

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. - Groucho Marx

Lend a horse, and you may have back his skin. - English Proverb

You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

The speed of a runaway horse counts for nothing. - Jean Cocteau

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

I had the best buffalo horse that ever made a track. - Buffalo Bill

I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins

Horse Manure: 50p per pre-packed bag. 20p - do it your self. - Unknown

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him float. - Unknown

The only thing worse than beating a dead horse is betting on one. - Relient K

The wagon rests in winter, the sleigh in summer, the horse never. - Yiddish Proverb

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song. - Louis Armstrong

It's too late to close the stable door after the horse has bolted. - French Proverb

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. - WC Fields

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. - Adlai Stevenson

Are you Indian or Pakistani? I can never tell the difference between you chaps. - Prince Philip

In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse. - Archie Bunker

Take care to sell your horse before he dies. The art of life is passing losses on. - Robert Frost

You've got to concentrate on one idea. You can't ride a horse with two asses. - Joe Segal

The one thing I do not want to be called is First Lady. It sounds like a saddle horse. - Jacqueline Kennedy

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker. - Robin Williams

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is differences of opinion that make horse races. - Mark Twain

A definite purpose, like blinders on a horse, inevitably narrows its possessor's point of view. - Robert Frost

Democracy is very different in U.S. and A. from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot! - Borat Sagdiyev

Like the old adverb, "you can lead a gift horse to the water but ya can't look in his mouth." - Archie Bunker

When you're young and you fall off a horse, you may break something. When you're my age and you fall off, you splatter. - Roy Rogers

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - the Joe-kster


see also   Country  &  Native Indian  Sections
A Horse’s Ass IS Important
Ascot Fashion Statement
Double Horse
Frog To Horse Illusion
Head Path
Horse Hair
Horse Hat
Horse Laughter
Horse Mane Macrame
Horse Model
Horsing Around
Neigh Be Barn With It
One Horsepower Car
Quarter Horse or Quarterhorse?
Royal Engagement - Prince Charles & Camilla Exclusive
World’s First Horse Power Vehicle

 

Redneck Neighborhood Watch

Time To Hang Up The Thong

Our Grate Lord

Vertical Roller Coaster Ride

Girl's Party

Sleep Driving

Portuguese Airport Runway

Nintendo Wedding Cake

Going Nowhere Mall

Skateboard Suit

Texas Truck

Tailgate Coyote

Montreal Canadian Fan

Canadian Man Cave

Puffin Walk

Wine Gum Lamp

Stepladder Bike

Prison Escapee's Not-Quite-Clean Escape

Heh - That's My Ball!

Revenue Canada's Simplified Tax Form
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

25-Mar-2019