Tonto’s Horse Coolant

The Lone Ranger rides again


The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, “Who owns the big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, “I do - Why?”
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”

Tonto said, “Sure, Kemosabe” and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, “Who owns that big white horse outside?”
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, “I do - what’s wrong with him this time?”

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, “Nothin’, but you left your Injun running.”


QuotaBills
Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

Horse ovaries (hors d'oeuvres) - Archie Bunker

Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run. - Unknown

Use a little of your horse's sense. - Archie Bunker

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

A unicorn is just a horse with a point of view. - Ron Sexsmith

Care, and not fine stables, makes a good horse. - Danish Proverb

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! - Groucho Marx

I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins

This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh

Life is like a horse - either you ride it or it rides you. - Unknown

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

Horse Manure: 50p per pre-packed bag. 20p - do it your self. - Unknown

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong. - Unknown

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him float. - Unknown

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. - English Proverb

Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon. - John Madden

The wagon rests in winter, the sleigh in summer, the horse never. - Yiddish Proverb

Vegetarian: an old Indian word for "doesn't hunt well." - Paul Harvey

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song. - Louis Armstrong

When rats infest the palace, a lame cat is better than the swiftest horse. - Chinese Proverb

A horse doesn't care how much you know until it knows how much you care. - Tom Smith

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. - Adlai Stevenson

To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live. - Henny Youngman

Half of the failures in life come from pulling one’s horse when he is leaping. - Thomas Hood

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker. - Robin Williams

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. - Woody Allen

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is differences of opinion that make horse races. - Mark Twain

Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success. - Dale Carnegie

A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but, one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still. - Samuel Johnson

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry


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19-Aug-2018