[A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report...]
MOST HONOURABLE SIR:
YOU LEAVE HOUSE. I WATCH HOUSE.
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE, I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL.
I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME.
I FALL OFF TREE.
I NOT SEE.
Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers
Position is nine-tenths of the law. - Archie Bunker
All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb
To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan
There's a strong criminal relement up there. - Archie Bunker
The worst form of injustice is pretended justice. - Plato
Let justice be done though the heavens should fall. - John Adams
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. - Martin Luther King Jr.
Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe Defries
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde
The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. - Yiddish Proverb
Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. - H L Mencken
Sometimes justice is at its most merciful when it's blind. - Nancy Gibbs
Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore. - Unknown
A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless it is paid for. - Unknown
My photographs don't do me justice – they just look like me. - Phyllis Diller
I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More
The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. - Oscar Wilde
Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
Don't judge a book by its cover 'til you've read the book. - Jamie Lee Curtis
I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy M. Cohn
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown
It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker
Ethics and equity and the principles of justice do not change with the calendar. - D.H. Lawrence
A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle
Observe good faith and justice toward all nations. Cultivate peace and harmony with all. - George Washington
If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe
Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela
If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. - George Savile
The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges. - Anatole France
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in. - Brendan Behan
There is not Communism or Marxism, but representative democracy and social justice in a well-planned economy. - Fidel Castro
There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey
Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible, but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary. - Reinhold Niebuhr
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly
Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams
Justice, sir, is the great interest of man on earth. It is the ligament which holds civilized beings and civilized nations together. - Daniel Webster
While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs
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