[A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report...]
MOST HONOURABLE SIR:
YOU LEAVE HOUSE. I WATCH HOUSE.
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE, I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL.
I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME.
I FALL OFF TREE.
I NOT SEE.
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb
Don't judge folks by their relatives. - Unknown
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
In law, nothing is certain but the expense. - Samuel Butler
A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler
If you want peace, you must work for justice. - Pope Paul VI
The worst form of injustice is pretended justice. - Plato
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. - Martin Luther King Jr.
The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren
It's every man's business to see justice done. - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx
Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe Defries
The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law. - Jeremy Bentham
Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite. - H.W. Shaw
In the Halls of Justice, the only justice is in the halls. - Lenny Bruce
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore. - Unknown
A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless it is paid for. - Unknown
My photographs don't do me justice – they just look like me. - Phyllis Diller
A society that has more justice is a society that needs less charity. - Ralph Nader
Recompense injury with justice, and recompense kindness with kindness. - Confucius
Don't judge a book by its cover 'til you've read the book. - Jamie Lee Curtis
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown
Ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have. - James Baldwin
Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown
It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz
The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
Ethics and equity and the principles of justice do not change with the calendar. - D.H. Lawrence
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain
A criminal remains a criminal whether he uses a convict's suit or a monarch's crown. - Victor Hugo
Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in. - Brendan Behan
There is not Communism or Marxism, but representative democracy and social justice in a well-planned economy. - Fidel Castro
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown
Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes. - Robert Kennedy
There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey
That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?" - Steven Wright
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