Valentines Day Preparation: The Point System
[For
thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women.
Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.
Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects
]
SIMPLE DUTIES:
You make the bed
+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows
0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets
-1
You leave the toilet seat up
-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty
0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex
-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom
-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings
+5
In the snow
+8
But return with beer
-5
And no liners
-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night
0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing
0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something
+5
You pummel it with a six iron
+10
It's her cat
-40
AT THE PARTY:
You stay by her side the entire party
0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy
-2
Named Tiffany
-4
Tiffany is a dancer
-10
With breast implants
-18
HER BIRTHDAY:
You remember her birthday
0
You buy a card and flowers
0
You take her out to dinner
0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar
+1
Okay, it is a sports bar
-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night
-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your
favorite team
-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS:
Go with a pal
0
The pal is happily married
+1
The pal is single
-7
He drives a Ferrari
-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)
-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER:
You take her to a movie
+2
You take her to a movie she likes
+4
You take her to a movie you hate
+6
You take her to a movie you like
-2
It's called Death Cop III
-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans
-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans
-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE:
You develop a noticeable pot belly
-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it
+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian
shirts
-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too"
-800
THE BIG QUESTION: She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding
-10
You reply, "Where?"
-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"
-100
Any other response
-20
COMMUNICATION: When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression
0
You listen, for over 30 minutes
+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience
+50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think
I should do?"
-100
You have fallen asleep
-200
ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH:
You talk
-100
You don't talk
-150
You spend time with her
-200
You don't spend time with her
-500
You seem to be enjoying yourself
-1000