[You all know about the
Darwin Awards. It’s an annual honor given to the person who did the “gene pool” the most service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last
Year’s Winner was the fellow who attempted to wash his own “balls” in a ball washer at the
local golf course… As always, competition this year has been keen. And the
candidates this year are…]
* According to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor,
33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they
were playing with their Snowmobiles.
* In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after
squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car
* A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who “totally zoned when he ran,”
accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the
sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the
hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair
at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet
of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels,
trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not
reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free
him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
* Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through
the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the
base of his skull as he hit the floor.
* According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed
to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove
that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet
with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into
his mouth and pull the trigger.
* In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot
from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole
and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.
* In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs in
his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a
fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car.
While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to
toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice
the window was closed.
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they
knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle
of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along
the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge
they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman’s cable
lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham’s leg and the other
end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened
and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the
icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. “All I can say ”said
Bingham, “is that God was watching out for me on that night.” “There’s just no other explanation for it.” Bingham’s foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER:
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel
of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly,
and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated
Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema
when the relieved beast unloaded on him. “The sheer force of the elephant’s
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his
head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his
bowels on top of him” said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay
under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and
during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents
that “Shit happens.”
... click here for the complete list of Darwin Awards
Dubm & Emergency Sections
2003 Darwin Awards
2005 Darwin Awards
It's Too Cold To Ride Outside
Underwater Radar Trap
Duck Heist - Ducks Gone Bad
2019 Hooters Owl & Birds of Prey Calendars (3)
Invisible Homeless Man
African Meal on Wheels