Doctor’s Hunting Skills

Sizing up the duck hunting grounds


Five Doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead.

The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. “I’m not quite sure it’s a duck,” he said, “I think that I will have to get a second opinion.” And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. “I’ll have to do some more investigations,” he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey’s identity. “Now, I know it’s a duck, but does it know it’s a duck?” The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon’s weapon pointed skywards. BOOM! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.
“Go see if that was a duck, will you?”


QuotaBills
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

Ugliness is a point of view; an ulcer is wonderful to a pathologist. - Austin O'Malley

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain

Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney

The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright

If you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport. - Elayne Boosler

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust

The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it. - Groucho Marx

Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump

An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. - Tim Vine

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible

A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson

There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter. - Ernest Hemingway

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros


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24-Jun-2019